Play-Learn-Grow-Repeat

From Friday Mom – Jaime:
I know all weeks contain the same number of days and hours, but this one has just felt endless. I’m writing this post from my hotel room in Nashville, while the conference that I’m supposed to be attending is going on two floors beneath me and two different trials are demanding my attention back home. And, always there, is the nagging sense of guilt that I feel when all this takes me away from Andrew.

I just got back from a session on gender equality in the law. Part of the discussion focused on how male fathers who are also attorneys are looked at as providers, strong, family men. Women, however, who also choose to maintain their legal careers after having babies are looked at as conflicted, less reliable, soft…

After spending the first half of my week on trial with one of the most challenging adversaries I’ve come across, I can tell you that “soft” bit is absolutely untrue. Having a kid may make me a total mush AROUND my child, but outside his presence? I’m still the same girl who will smile in your face while plotting how she plans to demolish you in the courtroom…

I’m no less reliable today than I was five years ago before I had a kid. Sometimes I would miss work because I was sick or, let’s be honest, needed a “mental health day.” But I work hard. I value my job and the reputation I’ve earned. I’m not about to blow that up just because I made the decision to have a family.

But that conflicted part? That’s completely true.

As I was prepping for my trial Sunday night, Andrew kept asking me to play games or color pictures with him. He wanted me to read him stories before he went to bed. Those moments are really tough. I wanted nothing more than to put down the notes for my direct examination and play baseball with Andrew, to read him his bedtime stories and sing him to sleep. But my compulsion to memorize the facts of the case and out-think my adversary was hard at war with what I wanted to be doing…

In the end, we colored a picture together (“one quick one”) and then he sat on my lap reading ME books while I prepped my case.

We all have to juggle what we want to do with what we need to do. That’s true with work, with families and with anything in life that’s worthwhile. But I can’t imagine that being a woman somehow makes MY choices and MY balancing act any different from a man’s, so why is it perceived that way?

There are a couple guys here who are new fathers, away from their kids for the first time. They were at the bar last night, whipping out their cell phones to proudly show off pictures of their sons and daughters. And you could tell as they were saying how great it was to be away and get a full night of sleep, there was still the same pull to be home, to be with their kid, as I feel when I’m away from Andrew.

So what makes him “strong” and me “conflicted”? Because I can admit to the conflict? That I’ll write this post and tell you exactly how hard it is to try and balance both worlds? And doesn’t that make ME the strong one because I’m willing to admit what’s there and what’s real?

The reality is sometimes I have to sacrifice time with my family for work. That doesn’t make me a bad mom. And sometimes I have to sacrifice work obligations for family. That doesn’t make me less of an attorney or mean I’m not dedicated to my career. I juggle both, admittedly sometimes better than others.

But at the end of the day, Andrew knows exactly how much I love him, even if there are a couple days where he barely sees me because work is winning the war for my attention. Even as a four year old, he knows that the stretch of crazy days will come to an end and when they do, I’ll be there picking him up from daycare and chasing him around the house to get him ready for his next race. And that’s what really matters…

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
My husband and I planned a trip to Disney World back in January.  We wanted to keep it a surprise until right before we left.  Last night we finally told our kids we were going to make our first family trip to Disney World. We were expecting the “made for TV” reaction but what we got was not obnoxious screaming children but just four big blue eyes and two big smiles.  I think Jack was a little more shocked and didn’t know if we were kidding or not. We have been hearing lots of excitement ever since telling them about the trip.  In fact, Tate demanded wearing Jack’s Mickey ears from Disneyland while eating lunch and dinner.

We have several family friends who gave us endless tips and tricks for what to bring and where to go.  We benefit from military discounts that help make the trip affordable. Jack and I visited Disney Land in California when my husband was deployed, but Jack was only one so he doesn’t remember much. Tate has never been to an amusement park, and my husband has not been to Disney since the early 1990’s. We are all excited for our first big vacation together as a family. This will be the first one in some time, just the four of us without extended family.

We will visit Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Hollywood Studios and Animal Kingdom. We also have day trips to Lego Land and Sea World. Hopefully we can survive that much family vacation. My husband is already making comparisons to National Lampoon’s Vacation. Fortunately, we only have one day’s drive and it is not in The Wagon Family Truckster.  We are planning on parks in the morning and naps at our resort in the afternoon then back to the parks in the evening for parades and fireworks. If we stay flexible, we will get the most out of our time there. I am sure there will be a day where we just relax by the pool.  Stay tuned for an update on our adventure.