Play-Learn-Grow-Repeat

My fellow blogger, “Monday Mom,” and I both have children who fear the dark.  Jack is frightened at night as well. He must have his night and dresser light on when he goes to bed.  If it isn’t bright enough, a ghost will come out of his closet and get him.

I remember as a child I had a fear of the dark, too. In fact, I think I still do when I’m home alone at times. I Googled this issue to see how other parents handle this or what the pros have studied.  I learned that these fears are a healthily developing imagination and growing knowledge that the world does not revolve around them.

One of the best things to help treat this issue is to have a good lighthearted chat with your child. I have had many chats with Jack about this, and it’s usually long after the bedtime process begins. I don’t want to dismiss his fears in any way, but want to get the point across that no ghosts live in our house. Most nights it’s an hour evolution getting Jack to sleep. If he doesn’t fall asleep on his own while we are reading books, storytelling, singing, or me rubbing his back, I know it’s going to be a long night. Having a newborn in the house to care for already has me sleep deprived, so finding the patience gets a little challenging.

Another point the article made was playtime during the day while using their imagination can sometimes backfire since those “characters” can fuel inventions of demons during the night.  To me, that makes perfect sense.  For example, Jack loves to play with his trains and create different problems for them.  The Diesel engines are the bad guys and seem to cause a lot of problems and heartaches with the other trains.  When Jack doesn’t like someone or something he calls them a Diesel 10 which is the scary train. Perhaps, the diesel engine is one of the contributing factors to his fears.

All of these fears have started over the last few weeks, specifically, when baby Tate arrived.  I don’t know if this is Jack’s way of getting extra attention, one on one, or if he really has these fears cooped up in his head at night.  Maybe it’s a little of both, but all we can really do as parents is comfort them with the reassurance of safety and hope that will help their fears disappear.

Brady went over FOUR years without the traditional fears of monsters or “ghostis.” I must admit I love how Brady pronounces ghosts as “ghostis.” Now at four and a half, he has started to see “ghostis” in the bedroom.

I must admit I was kind of surprised, since he has rarely seen a TV show that even speaks of either. I am sure other kids have talked about monsters and such during playtimes. So now I am perplexed and trying to figure out how to handle this fear. I don’t want to minimize his fears, but I don’t want him to worry about such things either. I will admit at times I handle it calmly and we talk it out (when it isn’t 30 minutes past bedtime). But there are those few times, which I am not so proud of, when I say “Brady, you are fine – just go to sleep.” Of course, when I walk away on those evenings, I feel guilty that I didn’t really help him through his fears.

Typically we sit down and talk about how monsters and “ghostis” aren’t real. He lives with three adults that will protect him, our house has a security system so no “real” bad guys can get in, and God is always watching over him. I allow him to express his concerns, explain where he might have seen a ghost, etc..

So far, this is working pretty well. But the “ghostis” continue to scare my little man. I am hoping this phase will soon end. As his mother, I really need to learn patience with him during these scary moments (even at 10pm). Because I am sure there will be new fears and frustrations with every age. And the main goal is for Brady to know that I am there to listen to him and help him through any fears that he may be facing – regardless if they are fact or fiction, preschool fears or teenage worries, whatever it is, he can count on me to be there as a support and offer him the best guidance and listening ear that I have available.

It was a Sunday morning like so many others. Andrew helped daddy make pancakes and got his serving first, as all good helpers should. As we went to sit down and eat, Andrew looked up at me, eyes brimming with tears.

“Mommy…monsters!” He proceeded to tell me that there were monsters coming. And that giants were going to steel his pancakes.

I had no idea where this came from. The only monsters Andrew has ever seen are the lovable furry variety on Sesame Street. I gave the little guy a hug and tried to tell him there were no monsters, that the only one coming to steal his pancakes was ME if he didn’t eat them.

But he was insistent.

Then he started telling me how scared he was of the big gorilla. There was a gorilla at the end of the movie hubby and I had watched the night before. Old Dogs. A Disney movie. Not really scary stuff, but apparently it really freaked Andrew out. Badly.

I told Andrew the gorillas were only mean if they were hungry. Andrew nodded and told me in very serious tones that they needed banana. He dissolved into hysterical laughter as I tickled him, both of us shrieking about gorillas needing bananas for their bellies.

Tonight he acted afraid of the dark for the first time in as long as I can remember. He told me where were people out there in the dark. He even didn’t like the dark kitchen when we were playing in the other room.

I don’t know what brought this on. But I hate seeing my little guy unnerved. He’s usually so fearless. So what do you do when your kid suddenly becomes afraid of the dark and things that go bump in the night?

You swoop in, vanquish the monsters, slay the giants and give the gorillas a banana. You let your kid know you’re there to protect them. You assure them no matter what the demons, you’ll always be there to chase away the shadows and pick up the pieces.

At least, that’s what I did…with extra hugs and kisses.

Have a great weekend everyone. And happy mothers day to all the moms out there.