Play-Learn-Grow-Repeat

One week from tomorrow my one and only baby will be going to preschool for the first time. Brady is going 4 days per week for 2.5 hours each day. We have our neighbor going and one of his best friends. So he will be comfortable, I think. “Pre-divorce” I had always planned to homeschool Brady, as I am certified K-8 and planned to do either private, public, or cyber school for grades 9-12. I figured by high school Brady could decide on his own what he wanted to do for schooling. Well, Brady’s father doesn’t want him homeschooled now. This may change, but a lot has changed, and I now need to work at least halftime hours, if not full-time. This would be nearly impossible with properly schooling Brady also. So I have decided to register for Brady for preschool with the intent to send him to kindergarten next year at the public school where I used to teach.

There is a part of me dreading September 7^th and the first day of Brady’s formal education. This will be the first milestone of many for years and years to come. Yes, I will probably cry all afternoon and be more upset than Brady. But don’t worry, I will “pretend” to be as happy as possible for Brady! We have been reading “The kissing Hand” and talking about it. He is fine.

On the bright side, as a work-at home-mom, it will be nice having a good 10+ hours each week to work while Brady is at school. And Brady is a very social being and will enjoy meeting the new kids. He is one of those kids that when he walks into the room he has 5-6 kids run over and want to talk to him right away. So this makes me feel confident that he will do well socially. And this will help prepare him for kindergarten. So all in all – we are both ready for this change in our lives. I will update in a few weeks with how Brady (and I) are doing.

Brady took swim lessons last winter. We go to the pool at our local YMCA at least once per week year-round. And while he has always enjoyed the water park (which has zero depth entry), he was always a little unsure of the water when his feet couldn’t touch the ground (or his face got splashed a lot). We have a pool in our backyard also, and once that opened for the season… Brady changed.

It is nearing the end of the summer, and now rather than being a little unsure in the water – I have a fish! Brady does still wear his lifejacket most of the time, but he will also wear the “backpacks” and floaties instead. When Brady can reach the ground, he throws the diving sticks into the water and goes down and gets those sticks with his head fully under the water with no fear. He runs off of our deck and jumps into our pool (now I still get nervous during those jumps). So he seems to have really taken to the water.  So much so, that he has his first case of swimmer’s ear as I write this entry.

I plan to foster this growth by continuing going to the pool twice each week. And I might even try to get him 1-1 lessons. I would feel a lot better (since we have a pool), if Brady were independent in the water and free from the lifejacket. It is amazing to see the progress that “little people” make in a quick 2 months. Can’t wait to see the progress next summer when he is swimming daily again!

Every season, I have allowed Brady to choose a sport. We have tried soccer; I am sure you all recall how wonderfully that went. My son proceeded to ask the coach (very loudly) “What is the point of this? You run from one end of the field to the other end. There is one ball and a lot of kids. You kick the ball into a net and then do it all again.” The coach was speechless and just couldn’t stop laughing (along with all of the other parents). We have also taken swimming lessons and Gym classes at My Gym. I try to stick to one “extra” each season, since he will be in school in September and taking Rainbows (similar to Cub Scouts at our church), one extra activity is more than enough.

So as we were driving the other day, I asked him what sport he would like to try: baseball, soccer (again), karate, swimming, or maybe learn an instrument like the guitar, drums, or piano. There are many options this year. Brady said in a proud voice: “Mama, I would like to learn to ice skate.” I have no idea where that came from. But I am not one to discourage my son from trying something new. So the following day I called the local ice-skating rink and found out about skating lessons. Now, I did learn from his lack of interest in soccer that we should “try it before we buy it.” So I do intend to take him ice-skating one time and see if he likes it before I register him for 6 weeks of lessons. But I will keep you updated: I could have a future hockey player or figure skating Olympian – you never know.

There seem to be various opinions on using technology (television, computers, DVD players, etc..) with young children. I have seen people in cars driving down Main Street with three DVD players showing different movies on the back of each seat. I have seen parents handing over their cell phones so their young child could watch a TV show online and be entertained while at a restaurant. You see the portable DVD players on airplanes and even in hair salons. Is this a bad thing?

As both an educator and a mother, I have to defend technology. Have I seen it misused? Yes. Have I seen young children learn from technology? Yes. In my opinion, the real issue is how you use the technology. In my own situation, Brady does watch television for an average of 30 minutes per day. I will be honest, as a work-at-home mom; there are times that I sit with him and use those 30 minutes to work. I do try to make the 30 minutes of TV time educational, but sometimes he just wants to watch Thomas (which does teach some good life skills on friendship, teamwork, and more). Now I have never handed over my Blackberry to Brady (and I doubt I ever will).

I don’t have a DVD player in my car. However, if we travel more than two hours in the car, I do take the portable DVD player along and some favorite DVDs. I have also used it during flights. (I am sure that the other passengers on the planes were thankful). And the web is FULL of resources for Brady to try independently or explore with me. We don’t spend nearly the amount of time that I would like exploring all of the amazing resources. If only the days were 30 hours, instead of 24 hours! We even have a computer program that hooks up to your computer and has kid-friendly CDs (like Scooby Doo) all that teach letters, numbers, beginning reading, math, and more. Now I will be honest, we don’t have that connected yet. But it is on “the list” for August. So, yes I do use technology.

We have all seen the parents who keep the television on all day as a babysitter. Is that child learning anything? Well…. maybe. Still, I feel we would be doing all of our children a disservice if we didn’t introduce them to various forms of technology at a young age. We live in a technological world, and our children often adapt to this world more quickly than we do. Let’s be honest, there are fourth grade students who are teaching their teachers how to use certain technologies. So as parents, it is important that we keep up with the changing times and prepare our children for the future, which will definitely include various forms of technology, most of which probably hasn’t even been invented yet.

Our church recently had VBS, Mega Sports Camp. And although Brady is now exhausted from five nights of fun, he had a blast. I was worried that he would be nervous leaving me. Even though many of the kids there were kids from his Sunday school and Wednesday night classes, most of the kids were visiting from other churches and just there for VBS. Brady walked in the first evening and “announced” his arrival as at least ten other 4-year olds came running over to him to say hi. I guess I have a little social butterfly on my hands. He definitely wasn’t scared – AT ALL. So, I left and headed off to a free two hours to work.

I now realize that Brady has been going through a tough time (behaviorally) lately. The doctor told me it was known as the “frustrating fours” and very normal. Although I am still having difficulties dealing with Brady at times, without getting frustrated myself! But that is for another week’s blog.

So when I arrived to pick up Brady on the first night of VBS, I was a little afraid that I might get a bad report. (I have the past two Wednesday nights.) Much to my surprise, the teacher handed me an award, the nightly MVP award for the student who behaved well and helped out the most. To say I was a proud mama is putting it mildly. I made a HUGE deal about the award and hoped it meant we had turned a corner in his behavior.

Well, throughout the week I got several other great reports from his teacher. His behavior at home still is “frustrating,” but it is a first step on the road to recovery from frustration. I hope to get many more great reports on his behavior in other classes. But for now, I am very proud of my little MVP.

Brady went over FOUR years without the traditional fears of monsters or “ghostis.” I must admit I love how Brady pronounces ghosts as “ghostis.” Now at four and a half, he has started to see “ghostis” in the bedroom.

I must admit I was kind of surprised, since he has rarely seen a TV show that even speaks of either. I am sure other kids have talked about monsters and such during playtimes. So now I am perplexed and trying to figure out how to handle this fear. I don’t want to minimize his fears, but I don’t want him to worry about such things either. I will admit at times I handle it calmly and we talk it out (when it isn’t 30 minutes past bedtime). But there are those few times, which I am not so proud of, when I say “Brady, you are fine – just go to sleep.” Of course, when I walk away on those evenings, I feel guilty that I didn’t really help him through his fears.

Typically we sit down and talk about how monsters and “ghostis” aren’t real. He lives with three adults that will protect him, our house has a security system so no “real” bad guys can get in, and God is always watching over him. I allow him to express his concerns, explain where he might have seen a ghost, etc..

So far, this is working pretty well. But the “ghostis” continue to scare my little man. I am hoping this phase will soon end. As his mother, I really need to learn patience with him during these scary moments (even at 10pm). Because I am sure there will be new fears and frustrations with every age. And the main goal is for Brady to know that I am there to listen to him and help him through any fears that he may be facing – regardless if they are fact or fiction, preschool fears or teenage worries, whatever it is, he can count on me to be there as a support and offer him the best guidance and listening ear that I have available.

Brady has always loved non-fiction, informational videos, “how-to” books, and just staring at large machines and how they worked. Several times we have packed a lunch and gone and sat at a worksite and watched the diggers working. Another day he was curious about how buses worked and their routes, so we took a ride on our local transit system (and thankfully had an amazing bus driver who allowed Brady to play and explore). Sometimes we get ice cream and go to the local park right at 1:30pm when the afternoon train is sure to go chugging by. These are the activities Brady enjoys.

I never realized how literal and “non-fiction” Brady was until recently. We were at a friend’s house and they were watching a kid’s movie. I could hear the one little girl telling Brady that he was the panda, she was the lion, etc.. She was going through and assigning parts of this movie to each of her and Brady’s family members.

About ten minutes passed and I heard Brady sobbing. I ran over to the sofa to find out what happened. Well, apparently my “assigned” character had died. Brady was devastated. He was sobbing and telling me that I died, he could never see me again, begging me never to leave him, etc.. He was so upset it took us about ten minutes to convince him that mama really wasn’t going anywhere.

Once I got home that evening, I was explaining the events to my mother. It is funny, but even when you are a grown woman, your mom still always will know more than you do and has great advice (especially about their precious grandbabies). My mom made me realize that Brady had never really seen a movie where anyone died – he literally watched PBS or Nick Jr. (or more likely, a “how it works” video). He also hasn’t grasped the fact that the movies aren’t real life. In his little mind, mama died, and he was scared.

I learned two important mommy lessons through this event. First, even after my last blog about how I don’t worry anymore…. I still worry! Second, imaginative may not be a good adjective to describe my son right now. His imagination is still developing and that is okay. Parenting – another day, another worry, but the perks of the job are amazing.

Well, after 4.5 years, I think my little boy is completely potty trained. He has had NO accidents in weeks (maybe even months now). It is funny how worried I was for a few years about him pooping in the potty. Now I barely flinch as he yells (as he is running) “mama, I gotta poopy – now!”. This is a good thing since he begins preschool in several weeks!

I think we, as parents, naturally worry. I remember when Brady was 21 months old and barely said 4-5 words. This is hard to believe now – as he talks nonstop, everywhere, to everyone, all the time! But back then, I was convinced he had a speech delay. I even had a local service evaluate him. Turned out that he was ahead in nearly every area, but speech was a bit delayed. But it was nothing that required any special services.

Then there was the worrying a few months later about him having to move into a new house – - again, I underestimated my little man. We had some big changes with the divorce and living with Mamaw and Papa. And even then Brady adjusted fine and I worried for no reason. So it shouldn’t surprise me that I worried about potty training for so long.

I am slowly learning that worrying is a part of parenting. But you can’t allow the worrying to overshadow current victories, activities, and everyday life. So to those parents out there worried about speech delays, late walkers, adjusting from a crib to bed, potty training, night training, whatever challenge you are facing. You are not alone. Worry if you must, but enjoy your day, your “present.”

Motherhood seems to require more and more “stepping back” as your child spreads his or her own wings. This summer alone, I realize how much Brady has let go (or I have stepped back). He has started to jump into the pool and allow his head to go underwater (with a lifejacket), Last week I dropped him off at My Gym for the first time without his best buds: Morgan and Ben. I expected a meltdown, since he hasn’t gone without one of them in years, but to my surprise…. Brady was fine.

In the beginning of his life, I nursed him and rocked him to sleep. Eventually I stepped back, Brady weaned himself, and I stopped rocking him to sleep when he was only a few weeks old. Then there was the “Edgar” stage. Edgar was his monkey backpack (aka harness). Brady was a runner! Edgar was the only way we could keep him safe with us. So although we got some glares regarding our “backpack,” it worked well for us. Then we entered the preschool years, I stepped back as he joined more classes, tried out a few new sports/activities, and finally consistently pooped in the potty – yeah!!

But the biggest way I have had to step back was in his playtime. I have noticed recently (probably since turning 4), I am no longer Brady’s playmate and mama. Now I seem to mainly be just mama, he wants his “friends” to play with. While I realize this is the normal progression, it still took a bit of adjusting. Don’t get me wrong, there are still times when Brady wants me to play trains, read stories, or build a moon sand castle. I try to savor every second of those activities, because before long – he will be onto the next stage of his life.

I often think that childhood requires moms to step back a little at a time. Finding the balance and knowing WHEN it is time to step back is the hard part. All we can do is try our best, follow our child’s lead, and enjoy this ride.

Today was our first trip to Knoebels Amusement Park this year. I am sure many of you have heard of Hershey Park, which is closer to our home and fairly well known (thanks to the chocolate). But Knoebels is another local park, much less commercialized. And they have a great Friday night ride deal ($7-kids, $9-adults). Can’t beat that for 4-hours of entertainment!

So we went down with a friend of ours and his two daughters. It was amazing to see how much Brady has changed since the last time we were there (about 10-months ago). First big change was his asking for his DVD player to watch GeoTrax. Last year he didn’t realize that he could even WATCH TV in the car. All three kids brought their DVD players and it was eerily quiet the entire 90-minute ride. Is this a good change or bad? I am still thinking about that.

While at the park this year, Brady definitely liked different rides. His ever-favorite digger ride and kiddie bumper cars seem to have been replaced by the log flume and giant slide. Last year he wanted to do the same rides 5-6 times in a row. This year he ran quickly from one ride to another. Last year I followed him onto each ride and made sure his seatbelt was properly connected – this year; I was more relaxed and trusted him and the workers to check the belt. It is funny how cautious I was just one year ago. Last year he sat in a stroller, this year – he walked! Now, I will be honest and tell you all that I did take the stroller. But the stroller was used more for storing drinks, snacks, and sweatshirts.

Brady seems so much more independent at 4.5 years old. I often wonder what 5 will be like? With parenting it often seems that each year you let go a little bit more, let your child be a little more independent, and adjust to your ever-changing role in their lives. I guess the best we can do is hold on to our hats and enjoy this ride – because time surely flies.