Posts Tagged ‘discipline’

No Charlotte!

Friday, September 16th, 2016

From Friday Mom – Erin:
Rory is, on the whole, extremely helpful with his little sister.  He understands what she is asking and often translates for her.  He helps out during meal time.  He chats with her in the backseat.  And he tries to console her when She is sad.

Unfortunately, sometimes his “helpful” is more bossy than constructive.  Sometimes his stern tone can be helpful– like when he is convincing her to endure a diaper change or getting her to sit still to put her shoes on.  But other times his approach is outright loud and brings Charlotte to tears, like when he yells at her for chewing on toys or stealing his toys, or ignoring our requests.  In reality, she is awfully young for us to expect her to listen well all the time.  But Rory– ever the obedient one– takes great umbrage at Charlotte’s failure to listen.

I have tried to explain this to him in terms that he can understand, such as explaining that Charlotte is still working how to use her listening ears and doesn’t like it when we yell at her.  We have tried to demonstrate redirection for him so that he can do the same.  For example, he has  learned to provide her with substitute toys rather than simply steal his toys away.  He doesn’t always remember the techniques (he is only a kid himself, after all), but if we can keep the yelling and tears at a minimum, I am happy to call that a success.

 

Gentle Touch

Friday, April 29th, 2016

From Friday Mom – Erin:
It really does seem as though there is a rash of toddler misbehavior plaguing our mommy bloggers. Although Rory, fortunately, hasn’t bitten anyone recently, it’s our little girl who has run into behavior problems lately.  Likely a function of how much she and Rory wrestle and roughhouse at home, Charlotte is inclined to tug on her friends or even crawl over and/or sit on them at daycare.  The absurdity of it is that she is about half the size of most of her classmates, many of whom ought to be able to shove her off easily.  However, she is the only younger sibling in her current classroom– the remaining children are all first children that haven’t been subjected to the rough play of their older siblings.

I don’t say that to excuse the issue, but it’s been an interesting obstacle to work through with her teachers and at home.  Her teachers all readily accept and willingly agree that it’s good to have a young girl with such a strong and confident personality.  They also admit that they find it humorous to watch her take down kids twice her size.  But, they also have a classroom to oversee, discipline to instill in these children, and, obviously, the health and safety of the other children to protect.

At Charlotte’s age, redirection really is the only way to combat Charlotte’s combative ways.  We’ve been trying to work with Rory on teaching her the importance of gentle touch and to tone down the rough play at home.  But, I have to admit, I want her to be able to stand up to her big brother, so it’s quite the balance to try to strike.  We’ll continue to emphasize the importance of using words to talk through conflicts and being gentle to one another.  For now, that is probably the best we can do.

Sibling Rivalry

Saturday, December 5th, 2015

From Friday Mom – Erin:
Charlotte is officially stealing Rory’s stuff.  All. The. Time.  Despite being reasonably tolerant, Rory’s patience is has started to wear thin lately.  Generally speaking, he’s fine with sharing his toys, but when she interferes with the activity of the moment, that’s when the battles begin.  For example, Charlotte has a habit of pulling train cars out of the middle of the train that Rory is pulling around the playroom.  Likewise, she enjoys pulling pieces of track out of the loop that her brother is building.  You see where I’m going. . .

Our pediatrician actually suggested “fake scolding” to help ease Rory’s frustrations and keep Charlotte safe by minimizing the likelihood that he’d take a swing at her out of frustration.  Unfortunately, baby girl is quite persistent.  Usually, if we do try to scold her, she ignores us (as one might expect), and Rory starts screaming at her, asking her to listen, and informing her that “You have to listen, Charlotte.”

I know this is the very tippy top of the sibling iceberg.  So far, redirection (for Charlotte) and a little food-based bribery (for Rory) have minimized the number of wrestling matches and full-fledged hits that they’ve engaged in, but I know that there are many, many days to come of this.  Fortunately, so far Rory seems reasonably understanding.  Let’s hope he stays that way.

 

Incentives

Wednesday, August 26th, 2015

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
Tate’s school uses a positive reinforcement system for discipline. Each student is expected to follow rules and is rewarded with a ticket, called a Panda Point, when showing good behavior throughout the day. The school mascot is a Panda, hence the name. The tickets get handed in to their teacher and can be redeemed for rewards like stickers, pencils, snow cones, class ice cream parties, silly hat day, and time in a bounce house depending on how many tickets were earned.

As I’ve blogged before, Tate can be challenging when it comes to his behavior. He is strong-willed, and he struggles to control his emotions in certain situations, especially when he is tired. Fortunately, in the first few weeks of kindergarten, Tate has grown to love Panda Points. I think Tate is feeling the pressure of learning the school rules and being in a “big school” atmosphere. He understands the way this behavior system works, and obviously it’s incentivized good behavior.  When I pick him up from school, if he runs to my van clenching his Panda Points with a smile on his face, I know he had a great day.

Tate still has some work to do on his behavior, but this is a huge improvement from even a few weeks ago. I am less anxious about his behavior with each Panda Point he brings home. I’m looking forward to parent/teacher conferences so I can find out how my strong-willed little boy is handling Kindergarten.

Summer Learning

Wednesday, July 15th, 2015

We’re really enjoying our summer. Visiting with family and friends is always a favorite of ours. We rarely get to spend time together, and the last few weeks have been quite a treat. Jack and Tate were fortunate to check a lot of things off their summer bucket list. They’re often asleep before their heads even hit the pillow every night. Although, they miss their friends in MS, they are happy to be making memories with the people they love most.

From a parental perspective, summer vacation is a mixed emotion. Along with the lazy days of summer, I am incorporating learning and review amidst all the fun.   I understand the frowns I get when I ask Jack and Tate to work in their workbook, read, or do some math skills each week. I know this is their break from school, but in my opinion, it’s so important to keep their brain active. I’ve searched the Internet for fun ways to review skills. Games are one example to get my kids motivated. Turning addition problems into a game of bingo is much more amusing than simply writing problems on paper. So far, Jack and Tate are enjoying the entertaining ways to study in between all the fun activities.

The next school year is right around the corner. I hope Jack and Tate have only great memories of their summer. I’m sure reviewing skills isn’t at the top of their “fun” list, but when the school year begins, I’m sure they’ll be happy their daily summer school sessions took place. As we all know, a little review can go a long way.

Little Thief

Friday, May 15th, 2015

From Friday Mom – Erin:
Rory has started bringing matchbox cars home from school with him. I’ve tried to ask his daddy to start checking his backpack before departing the building, but sometimes there’s too much commotion or they are in too big of a hurry to do so.

The first time he did it, I was mortified. He was asking for his truck, and when we responded with a completely clueless, “Which truck, Rory?” He informed us that it was in his bag. Sure enough, there was a little red pick-up truck stashed away inside.

His love of the worn little cars is quite intense. He makes a bee-line for the older pre-school and pre-K classrooms each morning and grabs a car. I am working on getting him to ask the teachers for their permission before he absconds with the tiny vehicle. Most of the time, however, he completely clams up and mutters a semi-articulate “please” before running back down the hall to his classroom.

For a kid who has so many toys, I feel a little guilty that he is taking toys home from school that do not belong to him. On the handful of occasions that it has happened, I have been certain to make him take it back to the proper classroom the following morning and apologize to the teacher. Usually he uses the opportunity to pick out a NEW car, which makes me question the efficacy of the exercise. It all may be a phase, but we’re hoping a little more careful monitoring will steer Rory off to some new interest.

Bribery Will Get You Everywhere

Monday, December 22nd, 2014

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
I admit it: I bribe my kids. Well, I bribe Haley. Hudson, at three months, is less motivated by rewards— unless that reward is breast milk— and he knows he’s getting that no matter what. But his day will come. In the meantime, I offer Haley lots of things—new toys, movies to order through the TV, a positive recommendation to Santa, play dates with friends—really anything to get what I want. I’m not proud of it, but I’m not ashamed of it, either.

Once children leave babyhood and toddlerhood, you can’t really make them do anything. You can’t physically force them to listen, and reasoning with a three or four year old is an exercise in futility. So at times I advocate the “telling them what they want to hear” strategy. Often, they’ll forget what you promised (although sometimes they don’t, so be careful!) or it’s something they’re going to get no matter what (a birthday present you’ve already ordered) so you might as well make them work for it.

Bribery works to get Haley to clean up, behave in public, stay in bed—you name it. The most important time I bribe is when it’s time for Haley to take medicine. Haley has always hated taking drugs in any form and usually, it’s something she really needs to take for the sake of her health. So I do what I need to do. The other day, I brilliantly informed her that I could buy an app on the phone that tells you if you’re on the Naughty or Nice List at the North Pole. It’s expensive, but if she cooperated I would download it. She bought into it. I was able to administer the necessary dose and then inform her that—wait a minute—you are on the Nice List after all! I myself may not make the list after all of these shenanigans, but I’m at peace with that. A mom’s got to do what a mom’s got to do.

Gentle Touch

Friday, August 1st, 2014

From Friday Mom – Erin:
Rory has taken to playing too rough. His daily report from daycare on Monday informed us that he had hit one of his classmates and found it funny. His teachers redirected him and tried to explain to him why he couldn’t hit his friends, but we definitely spent the week working on doing a better job at reinforcing that at home, too.

Rory has always found it somewhat humorous to smack mommy and daddy in the face. We’ve always tried to emphasize the importance of being gentle and that hitting is not nice, but, so far, it hasn’t really kept him from doing it. Now, we’re realizing the critical importance of nipping that in the bud sooner rather than later. So that has become a key focus.

He’s also taken to throwing things, hard, in the bathtub. First it was the stacking cups, so we took those out of rotation. Then it was the floating turtle toys he has, so those came out of the tub, as well. Even tonight, when I limited his toys to the foam wall-stickie shapes, he decided his toy of choice would be the cup I use to rinse him off. And he nearly took my ear off when he tossed it.

Perhaps one method to calming him down, at least at bedtime, might be to exercise him a bit more after dinner out on the playground by our house, or just walking around the neighborhood a bit more. But simply giving him more opportunities to burn off energy will be no substitute for doing a better job of redirecting him when he acts out and trying to teach him the implications of his actions. I know it will be quite some time before he’s able to understand us fully, but mommy and daddy are committed to doing our best to change those behaviors.

Pushing my Buttons

Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

From Wednesday Mom: Janelle
This summer I have spent a lot of time with my two boys. Most days they are wonderful, but some days they can really test my patience. After a long day of parenting, my younger likes to test the limits. By late afternoon, he gets tired and his sweet personality can give way to a more demanding kid. He is smart, and he knows how to push my buttons to get the snack or movie he wants. I love him to death, but sometimes I can’t handle the incessant whining – especially when I am tired, too.

This weekend my husband and I went to a wedding and we left the boys with my parents. We spent some well-needed time alone and my kids got to spend time with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. The wedding was wonderful, but I was also curious to hear how our kids behaved under the care of their extended family.

I was a little worried that Tate would show his dark side and overburden my already busy parents. When we got home I asked for an honest assessment of his behavior from my mom and sisters. They acknowledged that they disciplined Tate for his behavior a couple times, but nothing too severe. My mom assured me that all six of her grandsons had been particularly rowdy, but understood that six boys playing together is guaranteed to cause some raucous. Although Tate had a few behavior episodes, he managed to demonstrate some good manners and help around the house.  I’d say that is a good balance for his actions.

I’m glad my husband and I got some time to ourselves last weekend, but I am happier that our kids got to spend some quality time with their family, without pushing anyone else’s buttons.

Dark Moments

Monday, March 17th, 2014

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
My husband Joe was just off from work for two weeks. It was so nice getting in some serious family time. Haley was thrilled that Daddy never left for work and played with her all day long. Each of us is in such a great mood when the circle is complete. I find myself wondering how I ever got by on my own. I know that’s ridiculous– I have been an exclusive stay-at-home-parent for three years now. But as Haley gets older and we face new challenges, the strategies I employ to keep her happy, healthy, and entertained change as well. It takes a lot of creativity, stamina and patience on my part. To be honest, some days I just don’t feel up to it.

There are days we do more TV than any kid should. There are days I practically give up on discipline because I’m just too tired to be consistent. There are days Haley eats less than fully balanced meals because I just don’t want to fight anymore. There are days I yell in a way I’m not proud of. There are days when I wish I could just crawl under the covers.
But I can’t! And that’s life. Everyone faces days that are hard– even parents. Even when you are doing the most rewarding job in the world, for the person you love more than any other, there are dark moments.  For most of us, ultimately the good will always outweigh the bad. Raising a child is definitely a marathon, not a sprint.
I feel blessed that I have so many good times as Haley’s mom. There are days we do fun art projects we can’t wait to hang up around the house. There are days Haley helps me cook and is so proud of her achievements. There are days Haley listens well and cooperates like a big girl, just when I need her to. There are days when I love her so much I can’t stand it– actually, that’s every day.