Posts Tagged ‘fears’

Happy Halloween

Friday, October 30th, 2015

From Friday Mom – Erin:
We took Rory to a Halloween party last weekend.  It was one of a handful of times I’ve seen Rory exhibit true fear.  Trembling, speechless, unfiltered fear –  at an adult-sized Darth Vader costume.

He wouldn’t even step inside the front the door.

After coaxing him a bit and picking him up, he came on inside and settled in as far away in the house as humanly possible from the costumed man (who just so happened to be the father of the host).  Eventually, our hosts graciously asked the masked man to reveal the fact that, underneath, he was a gentle old grandfather (and not the frightening man on the exterior).  By the end of the evening, Rory couldn’t stop talking about his buddy Darth Vader and how he was very scary, but that he was really a man.  A very nice man.

Although I feel badly watching Rory tremble with fear, I also find it fascinating to watch how he processes his fears. Having watched his reaction under such circumstances a handful of times previously, I’ve come to realize that talking about things after the fact is his methodology for processing his emotions.  This time, that processing was a bit more sophisticated than the last, in that he seems to be verbalizing what scared him a bit more, as well as what he has come to realize as part of his no longer being scared.

I’m hoping he learned his lesson reasonably well– I’m sure we’ll have to revisit it tomorrow when we go trick or treating.  Hopefully if we run into Darth out on the sidewalk, he’ll stand tall and remember that he’s really a very nice man.

Afraid of the Dark

Wednesday, November 5th, 2014

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
Tate has developed a fear of the dark. Two weeks ago he had no problem walking into a dark room and turning the light switch on. Now, he asks someone to turn the lights on for him. He prefers ALL the lights on. I’m not sure why he is apprehensive all of a sudden. Maybe it was Halloween.

I started noticing that, when Tate arrived home from school, he insisted on washing his hands at the kitchen sink. Before, he preferred to wash his hands in his own bathroom. It’s much easier to wash in his bathroom because he has a stool to reach the faucet. When he repeatedly refused to wash his hands in his bathroom, I realized he was scared to enter a dark room.  He is positive  monsters will jump out and get him.  Tate and I had several little chats about this issue, and I assured him there are no monsters roaming our house.

Jack used to be afraid of the dark for many years. He only recently grew out of it. I think Tate has picked up where Jack left off. As parents, my husband and I don’t want to be dismissive of Tate’s fears, but we’re hoping he gets over it quickly.  It’s tough seeing your child scared.  We’re doing our best to comfort Tate with the reassurance of safety and hope that will help his fear disappear.

 

 

 

 

Stop Bugging Me, Fly…

Friday, May 18th, 2012

Hubby always wanted a boy. He tried to say that he didn’t care, as long as our baby was healthy. But his preference was obvious.

I was terrified of having a boy. None of my friends had boys. Who was I going to ask all my silly “mommy of a boy” questions to? What did I know about cars, army men, and football? And I really, REALLY despise bugs… What was I going to do when my kid wanted to play with worms and bugs or (I still shudder at the thought) want to have a SNAKE that we would have to feed MICE!?!

Hubby tried to calm me from the beginning, assuring me that little boys don’t pop out fully programmed as experts in all things male. And he was right. Andrew and I have been learning all these things together.

Fortunately, he hasn’t (yet) developed a love of bugs. This was never more apparent than Saturday night/very early Sunday morning. Andrew decided to leave the door open to the outside and let in the largest black fly I’ve ever seen. The thing was seriously massive. It buzzed around the house freaking me out most of the evening.

Andrew tried to forget about it, but as the fly landed on his sink while he was brushing his teeth, Andrew lost his cool. When I put him to sleep, he insisted that I close the door so the fly didn’t sneak into his room. Then he wanted me to prevail upon “Daddy the Bug Slayer” to try to rid the house of the fly. When I returned to his room, he was sobbing because I left him and the fly could have gotten him…

He didn’t think it was funny when I tried to jokingly tell him he could just tell the fly to stop bugging him. We tried explaining that the fly didn’t have teeth and wasn’t going to eat him. We attempted to convince Andrew that even though the fly buzzed like a bee, it didn’t have a stinger. He wouldn’t believe that the tiny fly couldn’t swallow him whole, despite their obvious difference in size. He wouldn’t fall asleep unless I promised to lie in bed with him and protect him from the fly…

By 12:30, Andrew was hysterically sobbing standing next to my bed. “Did Daddy get the fly?” He didn’t want to go back into his room, unless I promised to check everywhere for the fly first. Finally, I got him back into bed, tucked him in, and he eventually passed out… Until 1:30 rolled around.. and he was back.

Eyes pleading. Tears streaming down his face. “Please Mommy. Protect me from the bug”

And so began Mother’s Day… With Andrew sleeping in my bed. And ME sleeping in his bed among his nine zillion stuffed animals. Don’t worry, the day improved considerably after that. And yes, the fly eventually left the house without eating, biting or stinging any of us.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Dark Dilemma, cont’d

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

My fellow blogger, “Monday Mom,” and I both have children who fear the dark.  Jack is frightened at night as well. He must have his night and dresser light on when he goes to bed.  If it isn’t bright enough, a ghost will come out of his closet and get him.

I remember as a child I had a fear of the dark, too. In fact, I think I still do when I’m home alone at times. I Googled this issue to see how other parents handle this or what the pros have studied.  I learned that these fears are a healthily developing imagination and growing knowledge that the world does not revolve around them.

One of the best things to help treat this issue is to have a good lighthearted chat with your child. I have had many chats with Jack about this, and it’s usually long after the bedtime process begins. I don’t want to dismiss his fears in any way, but want to get the point across that no ghosts live in our house. Most nights it’s an hour evolution getting Jack to sleep. If he doesn’t fall asleep on his own while we are reading books, storytelling, singing, or me rubbing his back, I know it’s going to be a long night. Having a newborn in the house to care for already has me sleep deprived, so finding the patience gets a little challenging.

Another point the article made was playtime during the day while using their imagination can sometimes backfire since those “characters” can fuel inventions of demons during the night.  To me, that makes perfect sense.  For example, Jack loves to play with his trains and create different problems for them.  The Diesel engines are the bad guys and seem to cause a lot of problems and heartaches with the other trains.  When Jack doesn’t like someone or something he calls them a Diesel 10 which is the scary train. Perhaps, the diesel engine is one of the contributing factors to his fears.

All of these fears have started over the last few weeks, specifically, when baby Tate arrived.  I don’t know if this is Jack’s way of getting extra attention, one on one, or if he really has these fears cooped up in his head at night.  Maybe it’s a little of both, but all we can really do as parents is comfort them with the reassurance of safety and hope that will help their fears disappear.

No More Monsters

Monday, July 26th, 2010

Brady went over FOUR years without the traditional fears of monsters or “ghostis.” I must admit I love how Brady pronounces ghosts as “ghostis.” Now at four and a half, he has started to see “ghostis” in the bedroom.

I must admit I was kind of surprised, since he has rarely seen a TV show that even speaks of either. I am sure other kids have talked about monsters and such during playtimes. So now I am perplexed and trying to figure out how to handle this fear. I don’t want to minimize his fears, but I don’t want him to worry about such things either. I will admit at times I handle it calmly and we talk it out (when it isn’t 30 minutes past bedtime). But there are those few times, which I am not so proud of, when I say “Brady, you are fine – just go to sleep.” Of course, when I walk away on those evenings, I feel guilty that I didn’t really help him through his fears.

Typically we sit down and talk about how monsters and “ghostis” aren’t real. He lives with three adults that will protect him, our house has a security system so no “real” bad guys can get in, and God is always watching over him. I allow him to express his concerns, explain where he might have seen a ghost, etc..

So far, this is working pretty well. But the “ghostis” continue to scare my little man. I am hoping this phase will soon end. As his mother, I really need to learn patience with him during these scary moments (even at 10pm). Because I am sure there will be new fears and frustrations with every age. And the main goal is for Brady to know that I am there to listen to him and help him through any fears that he may be facing – regardless if they are fact or fiction, preschool fears or teenage worries, whatever it is, he can count on me to be there as a support and offer him the best guidance and listening ear that I have available.

Monsters

Friday, May 7th, 2010

It was a Sunday morning like so many others. Andrew helped daddy make pancakes and got his serving first, as all good helpers should. As we went to sit down and eat, Andrew looked up at me, eyes brimming with tears.

“Mommy…monsters!” He proceeded to tell me that there were monsters coming. And that giants were going to steel his pancakes.

I had no idea where this came from. The only monsters Andrew has ever seen are the lovable furry variety on Sesame Street. I gave the little guy a hug and tried to tell him there were no monsters, that the only one coming to steal his pancakes was ME if he didn’t eat them.

But he was insistent.

Then he started telling me how scared he was of the big gorilla. There was a gorilla at the end of the movie hubby and I had watched the night before. Old Dogs. A Disney movie. Not really scary stuff, but apparently it really freaked Andrew out. Badly.

I told Andrew the gorillas were only mean if they were hungry. Andrew nodded and told me in very serious tones that they needed banana. He dissolved into hysterical laughter as I tickled him, both of us shrieking about gorillas needing bananas for their bellies.

Tonight he acted afraid of the dark for the first time in as long as I can remember. He told me where were people out there in the dark. He even didn’t like the dark kitchen when we were playing in the other room.

I don’t know what brought this on. But I hate seeing my little guy unnerved. He’s usually so fearless. So what do you do when your kid suddenly becomes afraid of the dark and things that go bump in the night?

You swoop in, vanquish the monsters, slay the giants and give the gorillas a banana. You let your kid know you’re there to protect them. You assure them no matter what the demons, you’ll always be there to chase away the shadows and pick up the pieces.

At least, that’s what I did…with extra hugs and kisses.

Have a great weekend everyone. And happy mothers day to all the moms out there.