Posts Tagged ‘friends’

Mom Friends

Monday, November 10th, 2014

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
I couldn’t be happier with my decision to be a stay-at-home mom. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. One of the most difficult aspects of the vocation—at least for me—is the feeling of isolation I experience daily. Since my main tasks are caring for a young baby and taking care of the house, I’m home a lot. Sometimes many hours go by without my interacting with another adult. I have no co-workers. So other mothers sort of serve as my colleagues.

No matter what you do, it helps to have others to commiserate with. Such kinship is crucial when your business is children. There are days when you feel overwhelmed or even downright clueless, just like we all sometimes do at 9 to 5 jobs. It really helps to talk things out with others who are going through the same thing.

I haven’t made close friends by just chatting up other moms at the playground—that’s not really my style. But through a local parents’ group and other random connections, I have a small base of other moms I rely on. And I’m excited that I’ve recently struck up a friendship through another source—Haley’s preschool. I’ve chatted with another mom at drop-off and pick-up a few times. Her daughter seems to be Haley’s closest friend there and she also recently had her second child, so we have a lot in common and decided to get together outside of those quick interactions.

I love meeting new people. That’s something I miss about the working world. But with Haley in school, I have more opportunities to connect now. I’m realizing now that the most isolating part of staying at home is definitely when the children are very young. I never knew that as their activities ramp up, so too might my social life! If I can make friends half as easily as Haley can, it should be a fun time.

Play Date

Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
My boys love play dates. They both frequently ask if a friend can come over to play and I try to accommodate their requests. It isn’t always easy to make plans, since the kids are busy with sports or it might not fit their friend’s parents’ schedules.

Today, Jack invited his friend Ethan over. They’re best buds at school and he lives close by. They’ve had play dates at each other’s houses over the last couple years without any issues. He is one of those friends whom I don’t mind coming over to play for a couple of hours.

At this moment, I’m getting a kick out of listening to them play. It is hysterical. They are battling with Legos, playing instruments for added drama, pretending the globe is a meteor all while wearing super hero costumes. I love the creativity these kids come up with. They don’t realize how much they are building social and creative thinking skills. They just think it’s playtime. It’s a win-win for all of us.

I’m so happy Jack has built some really great friendships. It takes a lot of courage to be a big boy and pick trusting friends. As a parent, I’m glad to see Jack’s choices in friends have been good ones. This week, Jack and Ethan will begin another school year. Perhaps they will score a third year of being in the same class together Regardless, I know they’ll continue a great friendship throughout the school year and hopefully make some new ones.

Fun With Friends

Monday, June 30th, 2014

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
We just came back from our first summer trip, and it was a huge success! We stayed in a country house with some old friends. I was a bit concerned about how my city girl would handle a rural area, but she really thrived. She enjoyed everything about it.

Haley loved having a big house to run around, a porch to play games on, and fields of grass to roam free on. She had a few bumps and bruises by trip’s end, but the smile of her face convinced me it was worth it. There were other kids there, and Haley quickly insisted they were her “best friends.” She actually clicked with the seven-year-old girl more than her four-year-old sister, proving again that personality often counts for more than age does. They loved pretending their dads were monsters—they’d be so “scared” and shriek and run away. They sung the soundtrack to “Frozen” several times. Their favorite activity was catching fireflies. Haley had never seen them before in the big city, and thought they were pretty amazing.

It always amazes me how much Haley can handle when she’s exposed to new things. I admit I keep her on a regimented schedule most of the time—because I believe she needs it and actually craves it. But during our trip, she stayed up late, ate unusual things at unusual times, and had no discernible schedule. But it was okay. She seemed like such a big girl when I looked at her through the eyes of my adult friends, who were meeting her for the first time. Since she’s growing up and really showing me what she’s made of, I’m so looking forward to all of our upcoming adventures, this summer and beyond!

Halloween

Wednesday, October 30th, 2013

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
Jack and Tate picked out their Halloween costumes months ago.  Knowing their star wars obsession, it did not surprise me when they chose Darth Vader and Yoda.  As Yoda would say, “A perfect pair, I thought.”

Our town celebrates trick or treating on Halloween, but last weekend we were invited to attend Halloween celebrations in housing on the Navy base. The housing community hosts their own trick or treating for residents and their friends.  Jack and Tate have several friends who live there, and my husband and I are friends with their parents.  We were all happy to try a new friendly neighborhood.  The boys were ecstatic to walk run all over the neighborhood and find as much candy as possible.  They had permanent smiles on their faces and made sure to knock on every single door.  They know exactly how to maximize their loot.  The boys managed to fill up their treat bags and immediately examine all their goodies.  Jack favors chocolates and Tate enjoys lollipops.

After roughly two hours of trick or treating, we attended the neighborhood potluck picnic.  The perfect evening was made up of delicious fall comfort food, a fire pit, adult conversation, and kids roaming freely in delight

Jack and Tate are already talking about what/who they want to dress up as next Halloween.  It’s funny listening to them plan out their costumes.   They’ve already changed their minds twenty times.   Whatever they decide on, I am looking forward to another year of Halloween fun.

 

Family Friends

Monday, August 26th, 2013

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
My parents came to the US from India about five years before I was born. What is really cool about my upbringing is that it effortlessly melded together my Indian roots and my American identity. Immigrant families assimilate to varying degrees and in different ways. My family managed to acclimate to American life handily while retaining strong connections to Indian culture, language and food. One way we were able to achieve this was through relationships with what are usually known as “family friends.”

I think of family friends as two or more families in which all of the adults are friends, so the entire crew, children included, spend a lot of time together. The town I grew up in happens to have a significant Indian American population, and many of us knew each other socially. To this day, many of my close friends are from this pool, and our moms and dads are good friends too. It’s like having second family. Sometimes these makeshift families can get competitive as is human nature, but when times are tough you can really see how much we all care about each other. A few years ago I had a tiff with a friend that lasted for months. Even in the midst of it, I knew her family would do anything for mine and vice versa.

I think of myself still as the “kid” in the family friend equation. Yet recently I’ve been thinking about all of the good friends I’ve made over the years, particularly since college. When we were in our early twenties, we were just figuring out who we were. But now, we’re moving up in our careers, getting married, having children, worrying about our own parents. And through it all, we are there for each other. Our children are meeting and bonding, too. Lo and behold, my own little family as family friends, and I’m the adult here! Nothing has made me feel more grown up that this. Haley, not me, is the one being thrown into friendships because my old pal has a “kid your age.” It’s mind-boggling to think that these relationships are being passed down to another generation. When I think about what I want out of life, this is a big part of it. I hope we can make these connections last, and that Haley will continue to have both family and friends that have known her forever and will care for her always.

Living Social

Monday, December 3rd, 2012

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
I have always had a difficult time “putting myself out there.” I like to stick to the places, people, and things that I am familiar with. My friends laugh at me when I tell them I think I have a mild form of social anxiety disorder. They reason, rather fairly, that I don’t seem anxious when interacting with others and in truth, I’m not. Once I’m introduced to someone, I feel comfortable making small talk, telling stories and joking around. It’s breaking the ice from unknown to known that leaves me shaking in my boots.

I don’t even like going into a take-out restaurant if I don’t know “the process.” Do I order food here? When do I customize my toppings? Is it time to pay? Do I sit down now? For some reason, these simple rituals confound me. I realize this is a stupid hang-up. After all—if I did “screw up the process,” who cares? No one, that’s who! Yet I still behave timidly in many new situations.

Luckily, Haley is at an age when what other people are thinking is the very last thing on her mind. She loves to run around the bookstore, babble loudly at the coffee shop, and stand on the booth at the restaurant. I love that about her and I’m realizing that I don’t want this to ever change. (Well, maybe the standing on the booth part!) I don’t want her to worry about what other people think. I don’t want her to feel nervous that she might embarrass herself in public. She shouldn’t feel that way, and neither should I. I’d hate it if she picked up on my uncomfortable feelings during certain social interactions.

I’m trying to look at it this way—when you talk to another person, you are always learning something and so are they. You have an opportunity to connect and to be kind. You can make someone feel better or feel worse—the choice is yours. You can spread happiness, if you choose to. Isn’t that what it’s all about anyway? I certainly want Haley to think so. And if someone isn’t so sweet to us, it just proves that there’s negativity in the world that we need to learn to overcome. It serves as further evidence that’s it’s up to us to be positive. It’s something we should do, even if it can be a little scary at times.

So in the spirit of making connections, I decided that as fun as it is for Haley and I to stare at each other all day, we should try to make friends. Our neighborhood parenting group is very active, and I recently took the plunge and introduced myself on the online message board. I asked if any other stay-at-home-moms and their children wanted to meet Haley and me. Lo and behold—the responses were really nice! Haley and I have three play dates set up for this week, and I was even invited to join a book club! It’s exciting that Haley and I may potentially meet some great friends, just because we were brave enough to break the ice.

Little Yogis

Monday, October 15th, 2012

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
This week, I took Haley to her first class at the gym. It’s called “Parent & Tot Yoga.” It was an interesting experience, to say the least.

The class was for children 10 months to 2 years old. Haley is right in the middle of that age group. I was looking forward to connecting with other moms and kids her age. When we walked in, there was one mother/child pair there. The little girl seemed to be a little bit older than Haley. The kids made some eye contact and I said a friendly ‘hello’ to the other mom, but all I got was a polite ‘hello’ back. The mom then looked out the window at a construction site for the entire 10 minutes before the instructor arrived and made no effort to converse. Oh well…

The instructor was nice enough, but had just come back from a tour of a school where the first mom is a parent. The two of them talked curriculum and class size and Haley and I were still on our own. That was fine because Haley was having fun exploring the shiny wood floors, mirrored wall and random equipment that were scattered around the room. Once more moms arrived, there was more activity and Haley seemed to enjoy the stimulation.

Haley got along well with some of the other kids. As she has done in the past, she wanted to hug everyone. This time she was mostly obliged. One girl—who I must point out, is over two—pushed her away. Maybe they have certain age groups together for a reason? Haley got along great with the girl on the next mat, Fiona. Haley actually stole all of the Fiona’s Cheerios (I was mortified). Fiona and her mother were very sweet about it. After the class, her mother and I talked about how well the girls got along and said we’d have to sit together next week. Score!

I’m glad I went to the class because Haley enjoyed it, but it wasn’t easy. She was definitely the most mischievous of the bunch, running around at will. Yoga is supposed to be relaxing, but I was pretty stressed the whole time. That’s silly, because no one minded at all and the other moms were giggling at Haley’s “charms” and talking to her really sweetly (as I was with their kids). I have a long way to go in getting used to these activities. As with any exercise regime, practice will make perfect.

 

Potty training…maybe?

Wednesday, September 26th, 2012

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle

Potty training already?  Wasn’t I just blogging about the birth of Tate and how Jack was a big brother?  The last two+ years have flown by, and my baby apparently isn’t a baby anymore.  It’s bittersweet, but happy to see the growth of both of my boys.

I started to ask Jack if he wanted to use the potty several months before he turned three.  At first he showed no interest, and I didn’t push it.  A month later I tried again and he was a little curious, but still would rather run and hide in the corner to do said business.  In the back of my mind I knew he had to be fully potty trained by the time school started in August, so I was on a mission.  I bought a couple different potty seats, made a potty chart complete with Thomas stickers, bought lots of Thomas underwear and commenced a reward system.  After a rough couple weeks, Jack was “day” trained and I couldn’t have been more proud.

Now that Tate is in Preschool at an earlier age and is around children that use the potty he is starting to show some interest in the potty while at school.  His teacher tells me he tries to go on the potty everyday and has been successful a few times.  That makes me happy, but I’m confused as to why he wants NOTHING to do with the potty at home.  I guess he is trying to prove to his friends he can do the same things they can do.  Jack is a big help and will explain to Tate exactly what to do when it’s time to use the potty.  It’s actually pretty funny listening to a five year old explain the process.

Tate’s teacher said it is very common for children to do certain behaviors at school and not at home or vice versa.  I didn’t go through this with Jack being exposed to learning about the potty early on in school.  I assume it’s just another “phase” children go through and eventually Tate will be trained.  He’s still a “baby” in my eyes, although, I will be ecstatic the day I never have to buy another box of diapers.

Old Friend

Monday, June 11th, 2012

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
I have a really wonderful friend I met in college. After graduation, we had an apartment in Manhattan together. Since that time, we have both lived in many different places, but never in the same city. We put a lot of effort into staying in touch and would see each other whenever we could. I feel lucky that I’ve maintained this close relationship throughout my adult life.

My friend came to New York on business and yesterday, we got together. She met Haley for the first time. It was a really great but somewhat surreal feeling for her to be spending time with my daughter. She and I lived together over ten years ago, and I was such a silly kid then. Well—I was a responsible and productive young adult, but a far cry from the mature parent I am now. My friend has spent a lot of time with children and is terrific with them. I knew she and Haley would hit it off, but I was shocked at how quickly it happened. When I picked my friend up, she went to the back of the car to see Haley in the car seat. Haley smiled back immediately—very out of character for her! It usually takes some time for her to warm up to new people. It was more emotional than I thought it would be to introduce my daughter to someone who has had a significant impact on my life.

At one point in the evening, after Haley had gone to dreamland, my friend and I were sitting on a New York stoop, waiting for some other people. It took me right back to the good old days. We talked about all of times we would get together to hang out. We’d meet up and eat in the dorm at say, 11 AM. It wasn’t unusual for us to spend the rest of the day bouncing around the city, getting back home around midnight. My friend and I marveled at how carefree were. Neither one of us can remember the last time we burned the day away. It’s interesting to think about how much we have grown and our lives have changed. And these things will only keep changing.

So Far Away

Tuesday, June 28th, 2011

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
I like to think of myself as an ambitious person. In many cases, a desire to be successful in your field requires a certain pioneering spirit. Usually, to attend the top programs and get those plum jobs, you will need to leave your hometown. Of course, there are folks who do great in their fields without ever having left where they’re from. But my friends and I are not those people.

It’s not always easy to leave, but I’ve always been willing to do it. The fact that my parents moved across the world to follow better opportunities is likely a major reason why. And leave I have. A lot. Despite the fact that I went to college close to home, opportunities presented to me and to my husband have taken me all over the place. It’s been great. But now that I have a little one, I’m much more focused on putting down roots.

I’m looking forward to having a residence, a city, and a region that Haley can call home. Hopefully, once we are settled, we will make friends where we are, have family nearby, and feel a strong sense of community. However, my husband and I already have friends. We are lucky enough to have so many loving people in our life. But they are all over the place! It makes for fun trips. But sadly, it doesn’t allow Haley to get to know those people very well. And I am missing out knowing their children as well.

There is a silver lining in this modern age of rapid relocation—technology. Luckily, it is easier than ever to keep in touch. I’m not that into Facebook, but reading my friends’ status messages does make me feel a daily connection to them, and their kids. Quick texts with cousins miles away keep us closer than ever. And how easy is it to share pictures of your growing child? Plus, the technology just keeps getting better. Haley gets to video chat with her grandparents in the South—how I would have loved to do that with my grandparents when I was little!

Our friends’ daughter is close in age to Haley, and although they haven’t met yet, we always joke that they’re best friends. It would be great if they actually became pals. It’s hard to say if that will happen. But thanks to the modern age, it’s less a cute joke than a potential reality.