Play-Learn-Grow-Repeat

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
When my boys were infants, I couldn’t leave them for more than a couple of hours.  It just didn’t feel right to be away from them when they were so tiny.  With the exception of an occasional date night with my husband or a military function with friends, I rarely left their sides.  Instead, I wanted to be home, albeit overwhelmed and exhausted.

Fast-forward several years, and the idea of a getaway has become almost a necessity. I’ve mentioned before in past blog posts that taking a mommy “time out” reminds us we are our own person.  We deserve time to ourselves or time with family/friends out of our normal routine.

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to explore New York City with my mother and two sisters.  We braved the snowy weather and made the most of our short time together.  We took in all the sights, sounds, flavors and the Christmas beauty of the great city. After all the exercise we had sight seeing and shopping, we also found time to sit back and chat without any interruptions. Although it was a quick getaway, it was the perfect weekend I’ve been dreaming about for a long time.

It was also a time for my husband to get some quality time with his boys.  He works very hard and travels often for work so he doesn’t always have a chance to witness what the boys do on a daily basis as I do.  For example, school morning/afternoon routines, helping with homework and preparing every meal.  They had a great weekend together and managed to keep the house fairly neat.

Yes, I always miss my boys when I’m away from them. I think about their sweet smiles and words, their creative minds and how they ask for kisses from mommy every night. With those happy thoughts in mind, I came home a happier and rejuvenated person who is ready to be a better mom and wife.

From Friday Mom – Erin:
Since returning to work after Rory was born, I have found myself needing to take many more deep breaths than I used to so as to avoid losing my temper at the various goings-on of professional life that can grate on a person. When I first started back at the office, I let the little things get under my skin a bit too much. For example, a weekend email I wasn’t expecting would throw me for a loop. Likewise, a call scheduled for 8 am that required me to swap schedules with my husband would make me irate.

Time has made me a bit more adaptable. Work (and life) are impossible to control in any meaningful fashion. I am learning to take it as a given that the days I am actually ahead of the game on my to-do list will be the ones in which four to five new tasks will land in my in-box, voicemail, or meeting request list.

But accepting the inevitable still doesn’t make days like I had on Wednesday night any more palatable. I had a very productive final forty-five minutes before leaving the office, only to find that the document I had been working on froze and the edits I had so painstakingly made were lost. Then, to top it off, I spent a solid twenty minutes fighting with my computer before I could leave, making me late for the few precious moments I get with Rory each evening. Finally, after putting Rory to bed, despite all my efforts to get my computer issues resolved before leaving the office, I was still unable to connect to our remote server to finish up the work I had left to do until late evening.

I took a great many deep breaths that night. And I am doing the same now as I recount the tale. And I am hoping that sometime soon I will learn that ruminating over such incidents is a waste of time. Until then, I will take comfort in knowing that my deep, visceral reaction is a good sign of how much I love and treasure this little guy.

From Friday Mom – Erin:
I am writing this week’s blog from 30,000 feet over the plains en route to California for a brief, five-day mini-vacation with my husband.  It is our first extended trip away from Rory since he was born, though it has been on our calendars since Rory was only a few weeks old.  One of my husband’s dearest and closest childhood friends is getting married next to a mountain in the northwest part of the state tomorrow, and we opted extend the trip and fly solo for a few days.  We were able to accomplish this with the generous help of my mother and father, who kindly agreed to watch the kiddo for us while we were away.

I feel guilty admitting that when we first booked the trip in mid-February–when the nights were still short and interrupted, and when “routine” was not part of our lexicon– the thought of getting away from Rory for a few days seemed utterly divine.  In those early weeks, when the self-doubt was overwhelming and the anxiety of trying not to screw this whole parenting thing up too badly was in its rawest form, it was pretty easy to click “purchase” and book airfare for two.

However, in the week or so leading up to our departure, I felt myself wishing we had figured out a way to bring him with us.  Setting aside the hassle of packing for two separate trips and trying to pass along all the requisite instructions, I was simply sad to be leaving him behind.  As I sit here watching the new mom a few rows up struggle through the five-hour flight, I am feeling a little better about our choice. But, that doesn’t change the fact that being away from Rory is a great deal harder than I’d originally imagined.  He is at an age now where things change exponentially each day.  Last Friday night, he started crawling.  By Monday, he was apparently tearing across the room at daycare, pulling out toys from their storage areas, and exploring all the added benefits (and dangers) of his new-found mobility.  I’m curious to see what new milestone we miss while we are gone. Perhaps we’ll be greeted with cries of “mama” and “dada” upon our return. . .

As much as I know we both need some time away to focus on the relationship that brought this little wonder into the world, I have fallen hard for the little guy.  For the past few months, we have spent nearly every moment that we are not working spending time with him, and it feels odd to be going away without the third member or our tiny family.  Sure, our dancing shoes may still work just fine, and of course we cannot wait to celebrate with our friends; but, there is an equal though different excitement about our return trip home.   And it is in moments like this that the old adage “your life will never be the same” rings true once again.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
We belong to our local YMCA with a family membership. It’s great! There are a lot of offerings for children Haley’s age, including indoor playground time, open swim, art class, and story time. Since my husband and I use the gym ourselves, it’s become a facility we all take advantage of. We feel a sense of community there.

I haven’t been exercising as much as I would like, though. I have Haley during the day and I’m exhausted by night—but that is no excuse. It’s important to focus on personal wellness, especially as a parent. We need to be in tip-top shape in order to take care of our kids, provide a good example to them, and be there for them for a long, long time.

The YMCA offers a “Child Watch” program, a babysitting service for parents who want to exercise, but I’ve heard mixed reviews and have always been too nervous to use it. However, many of my friends are happy with it. I recently decided that enough was enough: Haley is old enough to be away from me for a short period of time, and I need to add exercise to my regular schedule. So I finally put together the paperwork to get Haley enrolled in the program, and we start this week!

I think it will be great to be a little more active and have time to do something just for me. I also want Haley to understand that it’s okay to be away from Mom and play with other kids under the supervision of caretakers she can trust. I am really looking forward to it. Ultimately I realized that the worst thing that can happen is that Haley will have a fit and I’ll have to cut my workout short to retrieve her. But it’s certainly worth a try!

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Over the weekend, my husband and I hosted a small cocktail party at our apartment. A bunch of our friends came over to enjoy wine and spirits, hors d’oeuvres, and pleasant conversation. Everyone had a great time. I kind of hate to say this—but the best part of the night was that Haley was not there! I had no idea how badly I needed a night like that.

Most of the guests at the party were parents, so we spent some of the evening catching up on what the kids have been up to. But mostly, we discussed news, pop culture, work, etc. It felt great to have several uninterrupted hours to enjoy one another’s company and not worry or even think (too much) about the little ones.

We weren’t the only ones living it up. Haley stayed a Grandma and Papa’s house, and I can only imagine the debauchery that took place there. My parents let Haley get away with murder. I’m sure she ate whatever she wanted, slept when she felt like it, and basically ruled the roost. That’s okay. I think she deserved fun time just as much as we did.

When the party was over, it was bittersweet to go back to reality. I regretted that the childless fun was so fleeting; yet I couldn’t wait to see my baby girl. My world is certainly different with Haley in it, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

From Friday Mom – Erin:
Rory and I had a major milestone this past weekend. My husband and I left him overnight with his grandmother on Saturday night so that we could attend our college reunion. It was the first time Rory had spent the night apart from both of his parents. In addition, it was my first night away from him… ever. And I am happy to report that we all survived splendidly.

I was pretty anxious about leaving Rory with my mother-in-law. Unlike my own mother, my mother-in-law has not spent much time in recent years around infants. That said, she did a marvelous job raising my husband, so I knew Rory would be in good hands.

At my mother-in-law’s request, I wrote up detailed instructions for just about everything she might need to know. How to warm Rory’s bottles, how to put him to bed, how to wake him in the morning, when to change his diapers, etc. I also used the night before as a dry-run to show her everything in person and to let her help each step of the way.

I was a little worried that Rory might not sleep all the way through the night. He had not slept as well at her house for some reason, and we worried that neither of them would get much sleep. I was also worried that he would do something unexpected that I hadn’t covered in the instructions. Luckily, although he did wake a couple times overnight, he did so at the predicted times, and his reaction was consistent with the instructions I had provided. And even better, he didn’t have any real surprises, which meant that I had actually managed to cover everything.

We arrived home mid morning Sunday to a happy, well-rested little guy. I knew as soon as I saw them both that everything had gone great.

Leaving Rory overnight was a big hurdle. I don’t know that I care to do it again too soon. However, it did make me feel as though I had a pretty good handle on the little guy when each of my predictions and instructions proved true. And that was a pretty good feeling.

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
This past weekend I participated in a 5K race.  One of our local hospitals sponsored the race and the proceeds went towards the Pediatric Therapy Department.  Tate was born in this hospital, and he has received great care from many doctors and nurses there.  I also attend the gym in this hospital and have befriended many people who volunteered to make this race a success.  I thought it was only right to compete and challenge myself.

A 5K is 3.1 miles – nothing too strenuous, but surely enough (for me) to get a great workout.  Race day was a crisp morning so I stretched really well and made sure to warm up before the start.  I ran with a friend and we were able to motivate each other while running up hills and trying to keep up pace.  Half way came and I was feeling really good.  I thought I’d be in the clear and have no worries about finishing on my timeline.

Although I looked at the race map and knew exactly where the course went, running up a hill for the last half mile was a burden on my body.  I pushed through and didn’t stop.  I could see the end in sight.  I thought about Jack’s comment right before I started the race, “You can do it, Mommy.”  As I turned the last corner of the race, my husband, Jack and Tate were there to cheer me on.  All three of them where shouting “Go Mom!”  Jack and Tate made a special sign for me they were waving back and forth.  It was so sweet I almost cried when I ran past them.

With great pride, I finished the race in the middle of the pack.  It was fun, challenging and a great motivator to participate in a future race.  Even though my muscles are still a little achy, I’m happy I had the chance to prove I could set a goal, reach the goal and show my kids anything is possible when you work hard at it.

My friends and I recently got together for a “Pre-Holiday Girls’ Night Dinner” at a trendy downtown restaurant. We had been planning it for a long time and when it finally got here, I couldn’t have been happier. Things have been so hectic with my move and the big storm that I have hardly had the chance to stop and take a breath. But here came one night for me to enjoy and socialize and take a break from all things toddler. It was wonderful.

My husband knew better than anyone just how badly I needed a night off. Although Haley is going through yet another sleep regression and gets up several times a night, he told me to feel free to stay out late and have a few cocktails—he would attend to her. I took him up on his offer, enjoying a “Cucumber Cosmo” and some delicious sangria. I also had a yummy salmon dish, a perfect chocolate soufflé, and my favorite end to a great meal—a decaf cappuccino. I spent the night catching up and gossiping with old friends. Then I came home and crashed!

Taking care of Haley feels like a marathon—especially when she’s not sleeping well. There’s no break. There’s no wonderful point at which I can say, “at least now she’s down for the night”. It’s one thing after another all day, and I brace myself for the constant interruptions at night. I start watching a TV program knowing that there’s a good chance I will have to catch the rest later. I run around like a crazy person doing the dishes and throwing a load of laundry in because I simply won’t get another chance to do chores “later on.” When I do manage to sit on the sofa, the pressure is on to relax, to get the most out of the break! As you can imagine, it’s not fun.

My husband and I have a plan in place to get Haley sleeping through the night. We don’t think that the methods we have used in the past (straight-up “cry it out”) will work now that she’s older and much more aware of her surroundings, so we will be going with a gentler, more gradual approach. (I’m sure our neighbors will also appreciate that!) I really hope it works because this is a difficult way to live. I’m grateful that I sometimes get to be with my friends and recharge my batteries. But it would be nice if my batteries didn’t always get quite so depleted.

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving! I am very, very thankful for being a parent—wake-ups and all.

Last night I got to attend game 3 of the playoffs. It was awesome. Though it’s a different experience when you have kids. You need to coordinate who is going to watch those kids. You plan when you’re going to get up for food around when you’re going to call home at bed time. And you miss an entire evening with someone who, while they understand you’re at the ballgame, also knows (very well) you chose that over being with them.

I was supposed to be there tonight too. Yes. I said supposed to be. Andrew and I are having a night to ourselves while daddy is at the game tonight.

We got ice cream. We read. Drew pictures. We had dinner. He colored all over the notes that I made for my oral argument tomorrow while he was eating. To his credit, he did ask, “Mommy? Will the judge like if I draw smiley faces all over your notepad?” (while he was coloring over my meticulous notes, but at least he thought to ask…)

Now he’s practicing writing.

He has a massive coloring book that Grammy and Papa got him with 1 line stories about Cars characters above each of the pictures. He colored, then we read the story and then he picked out which words he wanted to write (again, all over my notepad for tomorrow). The letters he can’t figure out how to do on his own, we do together with each of us holding the pen. It’s a little hard for me since he’s a lefty and I’m not. He keeps trying to write with the wrong hand and I keep trying to angle the paper the wrong way for him.

But it’s been a fun night. I don’t get to spend enough time with Andrew during the week. And the weekends have been so full of soccer, I feel like we don’t get to do anything else. I guess I have to get used to that, but it makes me wonder how parents are able to find time for their kids to do a sport and music lessons and still find some semblance of time for themselves…

Balance…

I’m still striving to find it.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Haley usually gets up between six and six-thirty these days. Since her dad’s time with her in the evenings is limited or some days, non-existent, he’s been the one to get up with her so they can get some hang out time. They usually get Haley into a new diaper and clothes for the day, walk outside to see our neighbor’s fishpond, start Haley on her morning milk sippy, and make the family coffee (Haley loves helping out with that). By the time I get up to catch up with them, she is full of energy and ready to get on with her day.

I’m glad that Haley and my husband get in their daily bonding time. But I’m much more excited for me! I always wake up when Haley does initially. But then I have my daily snooze. Sometimes, I don’t even sleep. I just stay still in bed and think about the day before or the day to come. Other times, I really need the extra rest. Although, it’s not so restful when you have a young toddler intermittently banging on your door screaming “Ma-ma! Ma-ma!” My husband does his best to limit those interruptions.

I think “alone time” is really crucial for a stay-at-home mom, or any parent. Most of the time, I don’t feel like I’m getting enough. I’m often overwhelmed or just super tired. You know it’s bad when you skip your daily shower because you’re just too beat. But as long as my husband is around, I get those precious morning minutes to breathe, meditate, and rest. It may be the only thing keeping me sane!