Play-Learn-Grow-Repeat

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Being pregnant means growing another human being in your body. It’s inevitable that a one’s body would go through some changes as a result. Isn’t it amazing, then, that women—who should fully realize what’s going on here— generally obsess over the way their bodies look, instead of focusing on the amazing things they’ve achieved?

I’m not above it, by any means. I’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time stressing about the way I look—particularly my mid-section, which has the deflated look of a cavity stretched to accommodate a large object, more than once, that has since been expelled. I know I’m not the only one. Most of the people I interact with have been through the same exact thing. But there is this very weird emphasis to get back in shape following pregnancy. If this impulse had only to do with health, that would be one thing. But it’s got so much more to do with vanity. Take a look at the media to see how we treat a woman who “bounces back” quickly after a baby, and one who does not. It’s shameful.

This summer, I’ve been focusing on getting back in shape, and I’ve been fairly successful. People talk about making small changes, but to be honest, with the stress of caring for little ones, “making better choices” all day long was never going to happen. Instead, I’ve been setting caloric goals and tracking my food intake and exercise output religiously. I’m doing this because I want to set a healthy example for my kids, and really be a fit, capable mother for as many years as I’m blessed to have. But I have to be honest—I want to look good, too. And that last feat of smoothing down my tummy is not easy. I’m trying to remind myself that aesthetics are unimportant—I would never want my kids to worry about such a thing. Hopefully as I continue on my fitness journey, I’ll focus instead on being energetic and strong. Who cares if I’m a bit soft in the middle? All the better for a child to snuggle into.

From Friday Mom – Erin:
Happy New Year! 2014 brought a number of changes to our household: a new house, a new job for my husband, a promotion for me, and countless firsts for Rory. January 2015 promises to continue that excitement as we anxiously await the arrival of our baby girl.

We spent our New Year’s Eve like many parents of young children and turned in well before the ball dropped in hopes of getting in a good night’s sleep, even if Rory woke up too early (which he did. . .).

We spent our New Year’s day getting things in order for the new baby– setting up a changing station in our first floor laundry room, adjusting the settings on the infant car seat, and doing extra laundry.  I am getting more and more uncomfortable as my belly grows bigger and bigger. While I know it may be another couple of weeks before baby girl arrives, we are in full nesting mode around here.

We think Rory can sense the impending change. That, combined with his turning two soon, has made for some interesting acting out. I’m hopeful that we will all survive this first month of 2015 and emerge on the other side relatively unscathed.

From Friday Mom – Erin:
This week, I’ve had the pleasure of having a number of people provide their unfiltered observation that I look “ready to pop” at this point in my pregnancy. I’m 31 weeks and 5 days and well-within my doctor’s recommended weight gain range. Therefore, I have to admit, I’ve taken serious umbrage at these “observations,” whether well-intentioned or not.  As Monday Mom mentioned a few short months ago, there really is something about a pregnant woman that makes people say stupid, stupid things that would otherwise be entirely socially unacceptable.

There’s no denying that second pregnancy bellies show faster and grow larger than first pregnancy bellies. Plus, the fact that I am fairly petite works against me as well. There’s simply no hiding my growing mid-section. But what these unassuming observers fail to realize is that each time they ask if the baby is due “any day now,” I start running through the list in my head of things that I need to do/accomplish/get in order before this little girl makes her big debut.

Stress. Me. Out.

Luckily, my folks were gracious enough to come visit this past weekend so that my mom and husband could paint the soon-to-be nursery and start getting the physical space more in order. This weekend, we plan to order Rory’s new furniture so that he’ll have time to transition to his big boy bed before his little sister arrives. And, in a fit of fear (or perhaps nesting insanity) the other evening, I washed the stacks of baby girl clothes that had been accumulating in her closet so that I would have clean clothes in the unlikely case that she makes her debut sooner than anticipated.

I have grown very good at not showing my fear/disgust/frustration when met with tactless observations.  For the most part, the  joy and excitement of our baby girl’s pending arrival typically outweighs my more emotional reactions.  But I still hope to keep checking things off my to-do list before I really am ready to pop. . .

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
We’re in the home stretch, people! I’m just a couple of weeks from my due date with a possible induction on the horizon (just like everyone else these days, it seems!). Very hard to believe, but soon I will be a mother of two.

You’d think that since I’ve been through this before, I wouldn’t be too nervous. Well you’d be wrong! I’m incredibly apprehensive! I’m nervous about labor and delivery and this time, the new wrench thrown in is that I’m concerned about how Haley will handle my time away from home. I know her wonderful grandparents will take perfect care of her, but it’s still a bit nerve-wracking.

She has never before stayed here at our home, overnight, without me. I’m sure she’ll find it weird, to say the least. Aside from that potential hiccup, I worry that issues that did not go well the first time around will repeat, and that others I was grateful to avoid the first time will come up the second time. Overall, my first labor was not bad. If I had any regrets, it was that I was plagued by a sense of things about to go badly, instead of focusing on the fact that nothing was going badly. I wish I had let go, enjoyed the moment, and appreciated the miracle that was unfolding before my eyes. I’m committed to being more present with this one.

But I’m also nervous about what happens after the hospital discharge. I know enough to know that everything you need to do just sort of comes to you naturally (with lots of help from Google). That doesn’t mean it’s stress-free. I’m hoping that breastfeeding goes well, and that I’m not a total mess with two kids to manage, and that that Haley generally adjusts all right. And the fatigue! I know it’s coming. It’s so hard, and I tend to be short-tempered with Haley when I’m overtired. I don’t want her to get the short end of the stick. But it’s a weird thing, because at three years old, she won’t fully understand everything that’s happening. All she’ll know is that things are different, and she might not like it. My plan is to just let her know that I love her—constantly. Obviously, this has been going on for centuries and we will all get through it one way or another. Wish us luck!

From Monday Mom  – Neetika:
People just love a pregnant belly. I get way more smiles from people when I’m out and about with Haley now that I look like a baby could emerge from me at any second. I don’t know where the admiration comes from. Its just procreation! We’ve been doing it for ages.

I know a lot of women prefer not to talk to strangers about their pregnancies, and I see where they’re coming from. After all, it’s an intimate, medical issue—albeit one you cannot hide—and it’s really no one else’s business. I’m very different. I think it’s sweet that people take an interest. I like when they ask me if I’m having a boy or girl, and then I tell them I don’t know and ask for their opinions. They—usually middle-aged women— always furrow their brows and look me up and down and then declare which gender I can expect and the scientific reason why. It always makes me smile!

However there are comments that can make even the most laid back mommas cringe. I have had several people, who know I have a daughter, say to me, “Oh, I hope you have a boy.” This is not small talk. They really mean this. I smile graciously, but on the inside I’m thinking, “Why? I don’t!” If other parents have gender preferences, that is their business. But I do not. Whoever this child is, that’s the child I want. That goes for gender, looks, personality—everything. I think there’s as much fun in having a same gender sibling as an opposite gender sibling. Whatever makeup our family consists of will be wonderful.

Besides, if you’re a stranger at the drugstore, you don’t even know me! A close friend or family member might have some background in understanding such a preference, but a random person should limit their commentary to due dates, general symptom inquiries and congratulations. Consider this a Public Service Announcement from Monday Mom! And one more thing—hands off that belly!

From Friday Mom – Erin:
Rory is going to be a big brother come January. We’ve clearly known for a while now, but we just learned yesterday that we’re having a little girl. Given all that we’ve had going on over the past five months, the baby has taken a bit of a back seat to moving logistics, unpacking, and decorating. Now that we know what we’re having, however, it somehow seems much more real. And she has taken center stage in my mind.

Much like Monday Mom, I am still processing how much becoming a family of four will upend our reasonably stable family. Though life with Rory is constantly changing, we seem to be hitting our parenting stride just in time to throw it into total chaos once more.  My mind races to potty training a two year old while breastfeeding an infant, keeping the baby healthy while her older brother comes home from daycare with all the germs of the winter cold and flu season, figuring out how to manage two different bed and bath time routines, and all the while trying to find time for mommy and daddy to not go completely insane.

Our mantra with Rory, as I have said before, was that children have been growing up in spite of their parents for centuries.  In the overwhelmed moments, I try to remind myself that many of those children had siblings too.  Whether it means having to divide and conquer more often, or simply committing to plenty more trial end error– likely both– I am sure the rewards of multiple children will be exponentially greater.  But I’m sure I’ll have plenty to share as we embark on this next crazy adventure.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Last week, Haley had a summer cold. I am glad to report that she’s doing much better. Unfortunately, the inevitable happened and I got sick too. Nothing could have prevented it, really. The girl clings to me on her best days, let alone when she’s not feeling well. Just when I was feeling proud of how long it’s been since she’s been sick, and that I’ve avoided illness my whole pregnancy, here it is.

Since it is a three-day weekend, I had a lot of errands I was excited to take care of—easier said than done. Pregnancy already has me sore, tired, at times even nauseated. Add a scratchy throat, a stuffy nose and recurrent cough, and I was pretty much done for. There are some medications you can take when you are pregnant, but I opted to tough it out. I did manage to get most of my “To Do” list done, but it took a lot out of me. I guess I’m in my “nesting phase.” Nothing will stop me from getting ready for the start of school and the baby’s arrival. I’m a woman on a mission!

I don’t know what it is about mothers, but we always seem to rally. Don’t get me wrong—dads put their families first, too. But there’s something special about the way a mother will prioritize tasks that need to be completed for the kids. Perhaps it’s because we know that if we don’t get it done, there’s a chance it will never get done. Rather than feel weighed down by this sense of responsibility, I feel like there’s a load lifted every time I cross another chore of the list. Life may not be as carefree as it was when I was a single, working girl, but at least I’m being productive. I like the assignments I have now, and I answer to the best little bosses in the world.

From Monday  Mom – Neetika:
We spent the weekend starting to get our home in order for the baby’s arrival in a couple of months. Haley seemed to go back and forth on how she felt about it. At one point, I moved her clothes to a different part of the closet, and she kind of had a meltdown. I promptly moved them back. But she was excited when we set up her old play yard, which she had forgotten about. She loved throwing her stuffed animals in there and diving in to play with them. Then she began to lighten up. She told her grandmother on the phone, “We’re getting organized because we don’t want to be late for the baby.”

As I believe is natural, I feel overwhelmed when I think about adding another member to our brood. Whenever I get stressed, I start making lists. To do lists, to buy lists. It makes me feel like I have some amount of control in a situation that is anything but controlled. I may not know how it’s going to go and how I’ll handle all of my additional responsibilities, but at least I’ll have the “stuff” I need to take care of the baby. I’ve done this before, so I’m sure my maternal instinct will kick in the same way it did the first time. There’s something to be said about the power of positive thinking.

I have to say, seeing some “baby stuff” making an appearance after so many years has gotten me pretty excited about having a little one here—it’s starting to feel real. Pregnancy has become a bit more difficult in the last few weeks, and while trying to keep myself as comfortable as possible, I sometimes lose sight of what it is I’m doing. Our lives are about to change forever. Although preparing for the change is difficult physically and emotionally, it’s nothing we can’t handle. All that matters is that before too long, our precious gift will be here. We’ll be ready with most of the gear and all the love in the world.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
I have two and a half months to go in my pregnancy. I have to say, things are getting a little dicey. Don’t get me wrong  – I don’t have any major medical concerns, and I’m very grateful for that. However, I am big. I am tired. I get nauseated. I get leg cramps. Also, I am big! It can’t be overstated. I am the same size now that I was at the end of my first pregnancy. My midwife told me that this is very normal, something that many women experience with their second pregnancy. She admitted that it’s not much fun, but said to make up for it I’ll probably have an easy labor and delivery. I’m holding her to that!

I feel terrible that I can’t do as much with Haley as I would like. Since we just wrapped up a spate of travel, I didn’t sign her up for any classes or activities this term. We’re just waiting for school to start in September. We’re on our own. I wish I had more energy to take frequent trips to the playground, the library, and even the grocery store, but sometimes we stay in for hours at a time. I know this phase is short-lived but I can’t help feeling Haley is getting the short end of the stick.

We certainly make up for it when Haley’s dad is home, with trips to the pool, local restaurants, and this coming weekend—the beach! But it’s frustrating to feel so physically limited. I can’t chase after her at the bookstore. I can’t pick her up to soothe her when she has a fit. Even pushing her on the swings can be exhausting!

Hopefully I will bounce back quickly after the baby arrives. Then, I’m strapping the little one into the carrier or ‘snap and go’ and we’re off! Big Sister has been more than patient. It’ll finally be her turn to drive this train.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Last week, my husband, Joe, had to go out of town for work for a couple of days. I thought, OK no big deal. It happens, and not nearly as frequently for us as it does for many families. I enticed my mother to come to lend her nanny services, ahem; I mean—have a nice visit, especially since Haley had her ballet recital on one of those days.

My mom’s help once again proved invaluable, and at the end of the week, I drove to her house to take her back home and run some suburban-type errands. I looked forward to my Joe’s Friday night return until he informed me that he had to work the next day. Something came up he had to attend to right away, and I understood that. He said he’d join us in the suburbs as soon as he got done on Saturday. Well, he ended up working all day Saturday and had to go in Sunday morning as well.

Joe rarely has to work weekends, but the combination of the extra work hours following nights away was kind of a doozy. I’m starting to realize how much pregnancy can slow you down! I had a lot of help from my parents and brother, which is the only way I got through it. Still, Haley missed her dad, and it was disruptive to have our family unit out of sync. This was the last weekend we had before lots of travel, and it just made things a bit more chaotic.

I know; I need to put away my little violin now. Sometimes, life happens, and you need to roll with it. I remember when I was pregnant with Haley thinking, I can’t imagine doing this again while chasing after a kid. My premonition was spot on! I have just been so tired. Luckily, not too much time ever goes by until I get a chance to really rest, and I’m grateful for that. But I have months to go and a busy toddler to keep up with. It’s time to get my energy up and keep on moving!