Play-Learn-Grow-Repeat

As the type of person who has always been very involved and invested in everything I have done, I am constantly struggling with how best to balance my involvement in Rory and Charlotte’s daycare. Perhaps it is my type-A personality or my inability to rest on my laurels. Whatever the reason, I am constantly focused on ways to improve my own surroundings by proactive involvement.

But the problem is that with two kids, a full-time job, and a general lack of sleep, I am hard pressed to find enough hours in the day to take on new and additional causes. Yes, that may sound like an excuse, but given the demands of the legal profession, I truly do not know where I would find the time.

That being said, a number of issues have arisen lately which lead me to think I ought to be better involving myself with our daycare. The board has vacancies, the search committee for a new director is (in my opinion) in dire need of leadership and vision. We sat through a lengthy parent meeting this week which I left feeling wholly unimpressed.

My first instinct in such situations is to raise my hand, take on the responsibility, and try as I may to fix it. But then the other half of me thinks that my limited time might be better spent doing my research into an alternative pre-school/childcare center. I am trying to take my time and make a rational decision — as opposed to simply just jumping in to try to solve it.

Wish me luck.

Rory and Charlotte’s daycare is undergoing yet another changing of the guard. His center is undertaking the third executive director search in just under two years. And I’m not positive what to make of it.

As I’ve commented on here in the past, we’ve had our frustrations with Rory’s center, but, on the whole, have been quite satisfied with the care and teaching Rory receives there. Charlotte seems to be thriving, as well. And they both clearly like being together each day. Their teachers love regaling us with tales of visits to the other’s classroom, and they clearly enjoy being dropped off and picked up together.

As I’ve lamented before, each time we experience a staffing change, I find myself somewhat disconcerted. I tend to wonder whether there is something “wrong” that I should have been able to discern in my lengthy childcare research when Rory was only a few months old. I experience overwhelming mommy guilt at the thought that he may not be in the best possible place day in and day out.

The center is hosting a parent meeting to discuss the turnover and I look forward to receiving more information. I am also ramping up my own efforts to visit and review other possible daycare and preschool options in hopes of feeling as though I have truly surveyed all available options. I highly doubt we’ll be making any immediate changes, but gathering information now at least helps inform just how frustrated I should be by the current situation. Hopefully it’s not too much.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Since I moved to New York City with my young family, I have been so worried about embarking on the process to enroll Haley in public school. In a family-oriented neighborhood like ours, “not enough seats for all the kids” is a refrain you hear often. Figuring out if, and how, we’d need to place Haley in a private program has been stressful.

Haley turned four this year, making it the first in which she is eligible for public school. The city government made a big push for “Pre-K For All,” but as parents, we were unsure about how that would turn out. We knew there would be “new seats,” but how many? Where? What can we expect from these programs?

Though some of these questions are still unanswered, we’re on our way. A new, fully-public “Pre-K Center” is opening a block away from us, within another neighborhood elementary school, and that is where Haley has been placed. It is incredibly convenient—on the way to Dad’s morning train and close enough that I could eschew a stroller carry the baby if I need to (you have to think about these things when you live in a walk-up). The City assures us that the education will be of high quality, and I feel good about some of the other parents I know sending kids there. There will definitely be a lot of parent participation and interest at the school, and I think that matters a lot.

I can’t believe my baby girl is a big four-year-old and will be in school all day in a few short months. (The City is phasing out my first choice, half-day, which is a story for a different post.) For my all anxiety, things have turned out fine and continue to look promising.  I can’t allow myself to get too much more worked up. After all, I’ve got twelve more school years to go!

From Friday Mom – Erin:
We met with Rory’s teacher this week for our final parent-teacher conference of the year. When you entrust your child’s care and education to a staff of early-childhood educators, you place a tremendous amount of faith in that staff’s ability to monitor and report on your child’s acheivements of various milestones. Setting aside my views on how odd it is to call them “conferences” when the children are still at such a young age, we appreciated the opportunity to hear her views on Rory’s developmental progress.

She reported on his cognitive, emotional, and physical skills and offered a range of thoughts and advice on areas for improvement. One of the areas she highlighted was Rory’s need to be told about a particular activity in advance. The moment she said it, I realized just how accurate she was and just how often I’d seen the same tendencies in my own interactions with Rory.

Rory does not like to be told, abruptly, that it is time to do something he isn’t interested in doing. Instead, he needs advance warning. For example: “Rory, it is time to change your stinky diaper” does not go over well. Instead, “Rory, we’re going to finish this story, and then it will be time to change your diaper” is usually a much safer approach. Unless it is something exciting, like a trip to the playground or a special snack, we try to introduce all transitions with advance warning so that we can reason with him when the time arrives.

The same is true for new experiences or visits from strangers. The kid likes to have a heads-up in advance so that he can prepare himself.

It isn’t a particularly novel concept. Frankly, I appreciate knowing what’s coming next in my own life. I am a stickler for calendaring appointments and carving out time for particular projects. Unexpected visitors and phone calls throw me for a loop and take me out of my comfort zone. I appreciate and thrive on structure and schedules, and Rory is proving to be similar. Building in a little lead time isn’t difficult to do, and the results are well-worth it. Especially when it means the result is a cooperative two-year old!

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
Tomorrow morning, I will drop Tate off at preschool for the final time. This is a big milestone for both of us. I’m not sure what kind of emotional state I’ll be in, but I do know I’m very proud of his development both academically and socially over the last three years. He’s gained a wealth of knowledge, and I owe a big part of it to his wonderful teachers. He still has some hurdles to overcome, but with time I’m hoping he’ll succeed.

When Tate started preschool three years ago, he was very excited. However, a new setting, new people, new toys, new schedule, new rules, and no mommy nearby for a few hours each morning was overwhelming for him at first. He dug through the toy bins every morning when I dropped him off, but he always looked to make sure I was present. After the first week, he didn’t care if I stayed or if I left. He was enjoying school. He was never ready to leave when I picked him up from school. That was very reassuring to me. I knew he was happy, and I knew my husband and I had made the right decision by putting him in a loving and fun school environment.

Last week, the preschool held their end of year program. The graduation ceremony followed and was tear jerking. The class slideshow featured each student. I shed a few tears when Tate came on the screen. I can’t imagine what I’ll be like at high school and college graduations. It was bittersweet seeing pictures of him engaged and having fun in circle time, at his desk writing, holiday parties, and fully covered in paint. I’m so happy for him to move on and grow, but I’m sad to know this phase of life has come to an end.

A new adventure will start next school year for Tate and a new milestone for me, as well. For now, I’m enjoying every minute this summer with both of my boys. It’s hard to believe I’ll have TWO kids in elementary school next year.

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
The preschool my kids attend(ed) has a vehicle drop off/pick up line for parents and their children. Most days I utilize it. It’s very convenient, especially when Jack was in preschool and his baby brother was sound asleep in the minivan. The teachers ensure the kids get buckled into their car seats safely and we move along with our day.

Even with the pick-up line, sometimes I park and go inside the preschool to surprise my children. I like to talk face-to-face with their teacher to make sure all is well. I love to see the colorful student artwork on the walls. I peek in the classroom window first and watch the boys play and learn without knowing I’m there. Most of all, I love the excitement on their faces when I finally walk into their classroom. It puts a smile on MY face, too.

Last week, my husband had a rare day off. We surprised Jack at elementary school and ate lunch with him. It was a beautiful day outside and we grabbed an empty picnic table. To this day, Jack still gets excited to see us at his school. He lit up and stopped everything he was doing to announce his mom and dad were there. I find it absolutely adorable. No matter how bad my day is, seeing my boys shine with excitement for their mom is magical. It is simply the best feeling. All the frustrations and struggles of the moment are erased, and their elation keeps me sane.

I know in a few short years or maybe even months, I might not be allowed to surprise them at school anymore. I hope I’m never an embarrassment for them. Unfortunately, I’m afraid the days of getting hugs and kisses from my children while at school may be over soon. For now, I will enjoy them while they last.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Last week, I went on a school tour for the elementary school that we are zoned for. We are considering sending Haley there for Pre-Kindergarten, although she only has a 10 percent chance of being accepted. Even though it is a public school, there are a limited number of seats available that do not come close to covering the four-year-old population in our neighborhood.

It sort of boggles my mind that Haley probably won’t get into this school, yet our tax money is contributing to the education of other kids Haley’s age. There are some other public school possibilities, but we don’t have high hopes. We may be able to sneak her into a costly private school as fall approaches. It’s a frustrating situation, but it is what it is.

I guess if I look on the bright side, it’s good that I am a stay-at-home mom, so if Haley doesn’t go to school, she’s at least taken care of. But I’d really like her to go. I may be able to teach her what she needs to know—and more—but she loves going to preschool and seeing her friends. I’d feel terrible if she didn’t continue the ritualized process she enjoys so much—getting dressed, putting her backpack on, the walk to school, putting her stuff in her cubby and greeting her playmates puts a smile on her face like I haven’t seen before.

No matter what happens next year, she will certainly get a spot for Kindergarten. I’ll just have to make her education a priority in the interim. It’s a good thing all of us Grow Up Learning moms have been doing that from the beginning.

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
The letter of the week is “M” in Tate’s class. The Pre-K teachers invited all moms to their fun event, “Muffins with Mom.” We were pampered and shared a special morning with our children. We were served muffins, fruit, various beverages, and more muffins. It was a delicious breakfast spread.

The boys and girls have been looking forward to this event all week. They painted a picture of their mommy and made us a silly placemat. The placemat consisted of sentences that they filled in answers to. For example: Mommy’s favorite color is… red. Mommy’s favorite food is… a cheeseburger. Mommy is as pretty as… a princess. Mommy’s favorite thing to do is… take pictures. It was funny. I guess I might need to lay off with the camera. Tate and I ate our muffins and enjoyed our morning together.

Next, Tate got to work on his scrapbook page to document our special day. He lined the border of the page with stickers…lots of stickers. It looked great, and he was happy with his work. We got our picture taken together for the page, as well, and handed it in to his teacher.

I enjoyed eating muffins and socializing with Tate and his friends. The teachers are sweet to host this little event, and I’m thankful Tate gets to participate in these fun little activities.

From Friday Mom – Erin:
When Rory’s daddy picked him up from daycare last Friday evening, he was surprised to learn that Rory and one of his classmates had gotten a little cozy together at naptime that day. Apparently, each of the children have a routine of giving all of the teachers in the classroom hugs before climbing into their cots for nap time. On Friday, after hugging his instructors, Rory hugged and another little girl in his class shared a hug AND a kiss. They then climbed into their cots together and proceeded to fall asleep, holding hands.

We know that this playful bonding is not atypical, but we were still surprised to hear it. Rory and this particular friend have always had a great relationship, and they clearly get along well. We just thought we had a few more years before we would need to chat with him about it not being okay to just kiss his friends. Luckily, daycare didn’t treat it like a big deal. Frankly, his teachers thought it was adorable. But we still found ourselves caught completely off-guard and wondering what the “appropriate” response should be. We discussed with him this weekend that hugs are fine, but that kisses should be left for family at this point.

At the end of the day, we’re just happy to know that he is so happy and comfortable with his classmates. He clearly has a good relationship with many of the kids in his class, and we’re thrilled to see him thriving. We just hope to buy ourselves a little more time before we REALLY have to start talking with him about the birds and the bees.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Next week, Haley’s preschool expects an answer on whether we intend to send her back for the “four’s” program next year. Though this sounds like a simple enough decision to make, it’s anything but. We live in New York City, where the new mayor has made universal Pre-K education a priority. In theory, the new system is great for us. However, there aren’t enough spots for all the kids that want them. If I were unconcerned with the location or quality of the school Haley attends, then yes, she’d likely get a spot somewhere. Silly me—I’m concerned.

We’re happy with Haley’s school, but it’s pricey. They require monthly payments starting in January for the subsequent September. The public “lottery” doesn’t begin until March, and applicants don’t receive an answer until June. That means if we reserved a spot in the private school, but then received and accepted a spot in a public school, we’d be out thousands of non-refundable dollars. That’s a lot of money to most people, us included. There are some great public pre-Ks near our home, but they have around 600 kids “competing” for about 35 spots. I don’t like those chances. They are planning to add more spots wherever they can, but it’s not something you can count on.

Haley’s preschool teacher brought up a wonderful point, though. Families with both parents working actually need to have their children be somewhere, and expect that there will be some cost associated with that. Since I stay home, it’s less of a crisis for our family if come the fall Haley has no spot. Which is not to say I want a four year old on my hands all day! But in the tally between a potential large financial loss and teaching Haley to write her ABC’s, I’m willing to take a gamble.

I’m hoping this ordeal will be less stressful than I imagine. Stay tuned.