Play-Learn-Grow-Repeat

From Friday Mom – Erin:
Our stairwell is decorated with a massive framed collage of professional photographs. There are pictures from our wedding, Rory’s newborn pictures, Rory’s one-year family photo shoot, and Charlotte’s newborn pictures. As I mentioned in this post, they capture slivers of time and each new year shows just how much has changed and yet how much stays the same.

Viewed as a whole, the photographs make my heart swell with warmth and gratitude for being blessed with such a loving family. And both my husband and I beam with pride when Rory gleefully identifies each of the people in the pictures.

“Grandaddy and Mommy!”

“Daddy! Mommy!”

“Mommy, Daddy, and Rory!”

“Baby Charlotte!”

Yet, there is one picture on that wall that elicits a different emotional twinge as of late. It is a picture of me and my husband with each of my then-living grandparents at our wedding. My dad’s father preached the homily during the ceremony, and my mom’s mom was there, too. In the flurry of activity after the service, we forgot to get pictures with the grandparents at the church, so the photograph is taken in front of the fireplace at the reception venue in somewhat of a snap-shot fashion. Both of my grandparents pictured have since passed away. One before Rory was born, the other very recently. This past week, when walking past, Rory yelped: “Hackie! Grandaddy!”

We explained to him that that was not, in fact, Granddaddy, rather, it was Grandaddy’s Daddy, who we affectionately called “Oompah.”

“Both Oompah and Hackie are in heaven,” we explained.

Rory and Charlotte will never get to know my grandparents—their great grandparents. My mom’s mother, my grandmother and my last living grandparent, Hackie, passed away just over a month ago. She made it long enough to hear about the birth of her first granddaughter, and to dote over the pictures. But unlike Rory, Charlotte will not have the opportunity to meet her in person. Though many children never have an opportunity to meet their great-grandparents, in my own grief, I find myself wondering what snippets of my own relatives Rory and Charlotte will come to know.

Sure, they will recognize the faces in photographs and will come to identify them in family albums. But they will know them only through stories, memories, and recollections the same way I came to learn about my parent’s grandparents. Whether it was the story of my great grandfather’s trunk in which we stored our board games when I was growing up or the tales my own grandmother shared of her parents’ work as missionaries, I learned my own ancestry bit-by-bit, picture-by-picture, story-by-story over the years.

I look forward to sharing those same vignettes with Rory and Charlotte as they grow older and begin to understand death and their own family tree. For now, every time Rory points to that picture of the two of us with my late grandparents, I’m always certain to share a little snippet about each of them. His two-year old brain can only process so much right now, but I look forward to telling him more and more as the years go by. The photos capture their faces at a single moment in time, but the people behind the pictures live on in the stories we tell and the memories we keep.

From Friday Mom – Erin:
Rory’s daycare was closed this week for teacher development and training. We’re excited to hear what his teachers learned, and we’re looking forward to the changes they apparently made to his classroom during the week.

Luckily, my mom agreed to come down and take care of Rory during the week this week. They’ve had a wonderful time so far. They’ve taken walks in various directions, played on the playground, attended story time at the local bookstore, had lunch out and about, and played A LOT in Rory’s newly outfitted playroom.

A lifelong educator, my mom arrived prepared to have a fun week with our little man. She brought new books, a few new toys, and lots of creativity and passion for children and teaching. They sang, laughed, cuddled, and played lots and lots of pretend. Luckily for me, he also slept much better at nap time, meaning that I was able to steal away a few extra moments each evening with a happy, rather than overtired, kiddo.

We’re thankful that our family is close enough to be able to help out in these situations. And we’re particularly thankful to have family that not only help out, but actually help him develop and grow even more. After a mere five days, Rory’s language is already showing signs of improvement based on the one-on-one attention he had for the past week. Granted, he’s a bit of a sponge for new information, but still, it’s been fun to watch all week long.

Jack and Tate’s grandparents are hanging out with us this week.  It’s been a great visit so far.  The boys enjoy playing outside with them in the beautiful weather.  I enjoy the extra help, conversation, and quality time with my parents.

I’m trying to make the most of my parents visit by showing them what we do on a daily basis.  My parents visited Jack’s school and ate lunch with him. They met Jack’s teacher, saw lots of his artwork, and helped to drop him off at school.  They also had a chance to tour Tate’s preschool.  Last week, the preschool held their annual fundraiser.  You can read more about it from this post.  The school puts on a parade at the end of the week.  I was happy my parents could see Tate walk around with a big smile on his face while supporting a great cause.

My parents attended a few of Jack’s baseball practices.  They get to see their other grandchildren play every week, but seeing Jack play is a special treat for them.  Jack enjoys showing off his skills to his grandparents.

We enjoy talking to my parents on a regular basis, but FaceTime doesn’t compare to the cuddles and laughter we share when we’re together.  I love knowing the boys are making memories that will last their lifetime.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Over the weekend, my family suffered a profound loss. My grandmother passed away. Even though you mentally prepare yourself for things like that happening, it’s always tough to deal with in reality. I’ve been through difficult things before, of course, but this challenge took on a whole new meaning as I navigate it as a parent.

Haley was very close to my grandmother, whom she called “Great-Grandma.” She has definitely noticed her absence, and I’ve tried to explain it in the most simplistic terms. It’s probably a conversation I will continue to have with her in the coming months. I worry about what will happen weeks from now when Haley sees a picture of the two of them together, and it really starts to hit her that my grandmother has not been around.

Yet I’m so grateful that I have those pictures; that Haley had three precious years with her Great-Grandma. In our culture, it’s considered a special blessing when one is lucky enough to reach the title of Great-Grandparent. I know it meant a lot to my grandmother to get to know my daughter, and it was an absolute joy to see their close relationship develop.

Like every loss, this one is a reminder that our time together is finite. It’s difficult not to take your loved ones for granted. As painful as it is to say goodbye, it’s a wondrous thing to have had a life full of joy and laughter. And if you are very fortunate, as Haley and I are, you will have amazing people there to help you get through the sad times.

From Friday Mom – Erin:
A year ago, my husband and I spent our first Christmas in our own home. I was thirty-six weeks pregnant and inside the “travel ban” period, as my physician likes to call it. He strongly advised against travelling more than an hour from the hospital where I intended to deliver. So, we stayed in town. My parents came into town to join us. We attended an annual cocktail hour, took in a show, spent lots of time with our feet up, and had a lovely, quiet holiday.

This year, we opted to stay put once again. When we sat down to talk about whether we would make the trip to Ohio to see my husband’s family, we both concluded that we wanted Rory to wake up in his own house on his first Christmas morning. It was also important to us to start forming the same types of memories that we both have about Christmas. Rory’s grandmother would come to visit, and we would have a nice, quiet Christmas at home once again. Unfortunately, given our tiny house and the growing volume of baby “stuff”—his grandmother had to stay in a hotel around the corner. Lucky for us, she was willing to do so, and, with that, our plans were set.

Neither one of us travelled terribly far for Christmas when we were growing up. We got to wake up in our own beds on Christmas morning, had rotating grandparents visiting, and the sometimes took the occasional trip out of town to visit en mass with a larger contingent of family. By and large, each Christmas began and ended very much like the last — early church on Christmas Eve, up before dawn to wait at the top of the stairs for mom and dad to wake up, then sneaking down the stairs to see what Santa had brought and survey the package count under the tree. Stuffing ourselves with coffee cake and passing the day away playing with new toys, answering phone calls from family near and far, and basking in the warmth of a house full of smiles, home cooked meals, laughter, and loved ones.

Although Rory probably won’t remember a single moment of this, his first Christmas, both my husband and I certainly feel blessed to be able to show him what Christmas is all about in our own home: a small child, two loving parents, and not enough room in the inn.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Happy December! Can you believe we’re already here, primed to embark on another year? I, for one, cannot. You’d think at some point I’d learn to anticipate each first of the month and not be stunned by its arrival, but that hasn’t happened yet!

We had a really lovely Thanksgiving holiday. My mom had all of her kids—including her beloved grandchild—together for the first time in a while. My own grandmother was well enough to join us, which isn’t always the case. All the dishes came out great. I forgot to add extra French fried onions before re-heating the green bean casserole, but no one seemed to notice!

The following day, my husband and my brother bravely ventured into Black Friday to retrieve a Christmas tree. It is a tall beauty. Haley was absolutely delighted. She adorably sang—or attempted to, anyway—“Oh Christmas Tree” while adding ornament after ornament. (The tree decorations are a bit bottom-heavy, but we don’t think Santa will mind.) When we were all finished she proclaimed, “I want to do it again!”

This is the absolute earliest my family has put up a Christmas tree. I never thought I’d see the day when my parents would have one up in November! But having a grandchild to please will do that to you. We are headed back to my folks for Christmastime in a few weeks and I think they are literally counting down the days. Haley’s excitement for the holiday is infectious. It’s so simple to her—a pretty tree, yummy treats, some new clothes and toys, and time with family. Children can be pretty smart sometimes. They know what’s important. We’re lucky to be parents, with the opportunity to be reminded.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
This week, my in-laws are in town to visit their granddaughter—and me and my husband, of course! It’s been so nice having them in town. Haley is finally at an age where even though she hasn’t seen them in a few months, she still totally knows who they are. She gets that these people are close family members. It’s really neat to see her register that level of recognition. It’s another part of her growing up into a fully formed person with a wealth of experiences.

So we didn’t have to waste any time or worry on Haley getting comfortable with her grandparents. From the time of their arrival, she was ready play, tell stories, and show off all her stuff. She loved showing her grandmother how well she could color and dance and all of her favorite spots in the neighborhood. Her grandparents were really impressed with how well she knew he way around and how she would strut the streets “as if she owns the place!”

Sadly, my in-laws are on their way out of town now. Trips like this are bittersweet. It’s wonderful to be able to spend time together as a family, but sad to realize how fleeting these visits are. But that’s life in the modern world. We have to remember that we’re lucky to have the opportunity to visit—it didn’t used to be so easy and for a lot of people, it still isn’t. Until we can all get together again, we’ll keep up with the video chats and look happily ahead to our next visit.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Over the weekend, my husband and I hosted a small cocktail party at our apartment. A bunch of our friends came over to enjoy wine and spirits, hors d’oeuvres, and pleasant conversation. Everyone had a great time. I kind of hate to say this—but the best part of the night was that Haley was not there! I had no idea how badly I needed a night like that.

Most of the guests at the party were parents, so we spent some of the evening catching up on what the kids have been up to. But mostly, we discussed news, pop culture, work, etc. It felt great to have several uninterrupted hours to enjoy one another’s company and not worry or even think (too much) about the little ones.

We weren’t the only ones living it up. Haley stayed a Grandma and Papa’s house, and I can only imagine the debauchery that took place there. My parents let Haley get away with murder. I’m sure she ate whatever she wanted, slept when she felt like it, and basically ruled the roost. That’s okay. I think she deserved fun time just as much as we did.

When the party was over, it was bittersweet to go back to reality. I regretted that the childless fun was so fleeting; yet I couldn’t wait to see my baby girl. My world is certainly different with Haley in it, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

From Friday Mom – Erin:
Rory and I had a major milestone this past weekend. My husband and I left him overnight with his grandmother on Saturday night so that we could attend our college reunion. It was the first time Rory had spent the night apart from both of his parents. In addition, it was my first night away from him… ever. And I am happy to report that we all survived splendidly.

I was pretty anxious about leaving Rory with my mother-in-law. Unlike my own mother, my mother-in-law has not spent much time in recent years around infants. That said, she did a marvelous job raising my husband, so I knew Rory would be in good hands.

At my mother-in-law’s request, I wrote up detailed instructions for just about everything she might need to know. How to warm Rory’s bottles, how to put him to bed, how to wake him in the morning, when to change his diapers, etc. I also used the night before as a dry-run to show her everything in person and to let her help each step of the way.

I was a little worried that Rory might not sleep all the way through the night. He had not slept as well at her house for some reason, and we worried that neither of them would get much sleep. I was also worried that he would do something unexpected that I hadn’t covered in the instructions. Luckily, although he did wake a couple times overnight, he did so at the predicted times, and his reaction was consistent with the instructions I had provided. And even better, he didn’t have any real surprises, which meant that I had actually managed to cover everything.

We arrived home mid morning Sunday to a happy, well-rested little guy. I knew as soon as I saw them both that everything had gone great.

Leaving Rory overnight was a big hurdle. I don’t know that I care to do it again too soon. However, it did make me feel as though I had a pretty good handle on the little guy when each of my predictions and instructions proved true. And that was a pretty good feeling.

From Friday Mom – Erin:
I was growing up, I lived fairly far from both sets of grandparents after age five. I saw my grandparents a few times a year: at Christmas and perhaps one or two additional visits spaced out during the year. We usually visited each set of grandparents for at least one non-Christmas visit a year, and they may or may not have come to town to visit another time.

My husband, in contrast, lived thirty minutes from both sets of grandparents, and saw his grandparents almost weekly. As a result, I have felt a tremendous amount of pressure to give my in-laws ample opportunities to see their first and only grandson. I send pictures as feasible during the week, and we have tried using FaceTime on a few occasions. Unfortunately, this has involved quite a few technology lessons. Moreover, I know that pictures are a poor replacement for being in the same place.

We will be seeing my husband’s family this weekend for the first time since Rory was born. I am looking forward to having Rory spend some quality time with his grandparents. My husband and I are also planning a few additional visits from his mother later this spring so that she can enjoy these early moments with us, as well. She would like to visit monthly, if possible.

This is a good idea in theory. However, it is harder to envision how often we will be able to entertain visitors once I am back at work. I worry that I may want the little guy all to myself on weekends, though I feel guilty admitting that. For now, we are taking the planning one step at a time and trying not to over commit during the first few months I am back at work. And rather than being stressed, I am trying to remain thankful that Rory has so many loving relatives that want to spend time with him. Here’s to a fun weekend with family.