Play-Learn-Grow-Repeat

Hubby always wanted a boy. He tried to say that he didn’t care, as long as our baby was healthy. But his preference was obvious.

I was terrified of having a boy. None of my friends had boys. Who was I going to ask all my silly “mommy of a boy” questions to? What did I know about cars, army men, and football? And I really, REALLY despise bugs… What was I going to do when my kid wanted to play with worms and bugs or (I still shudder at the thought) want to have a SNAKE that we would have to feed MICE!?!

Hubby tried to calm me from the beginning, assuring me that little boys don’t pop out fully programmed as experts in all things male. And he was right. Andrew and I have been learning all these things together.

Fortunately, he hasn’t (yet) developed a love of bugs. This was never more apparent than Saturday night/very early Sunday morning. Andrew decided to leave the door open to the outside and let in the largest black fly I’ve ever seen. The thing was seriously massive. It buzzed around the house freaking me out most of the evening.

Andrew tried to forget about it, but as the fly landed on his sink while he was brushing his teeth, Andrew lost his cool. When I put him to sleep, he insisted that I close the door so the fly didn’t sneak into his room. Then he wanted me to prevail upon “Daddy the Bug Slayer” to try to rid the house of the fly. When I returned to his room, he was sobbing because I left him and the fly could have gotten him…

He didn’t think it was funny when I tried to jokingly tell him he could just tell the fly to stop bugging him. We tried explaining that the fly didn’t have teeth and wasn’t going to eat him. We attempted to convince Andrew that even though the fly buzzed like a bee, it didn’t have a stinger. He wouldn’t believe that the tiny fly couldn’t swallow him whole, despite their obvious difference in size. He wouldn’t fall asleep unless I promised to lie in bed with him and protect him from the fly…

By 12:30, Andrew was hysterically sobbing standing next to my bed. “Did Daddy get the fly?” He didn’t want to go back into his room, unless I promised to check everywhere for the fly first. Finally, I got him back into bed, tucked him in, and he eventually passed out… Until 1:30 rolled around.. and he was back.

Eyes pleading. Tears streaming down his face. “Please Mommy. Protect me from the bug”

And so began Mother’s Day… With Andrew sleeping in my bed. And ME sleeping in his bed among his nine zillion stuffed animals. Don’t worry, the day improved considerably after that. And yes, the fly eventually left the house without eating, biting or stinging any of us.

Have a great weekend everyone.

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
The end of the school year is quickly approaching for both Jack and Tate.  Tate doesn’t really quite understand what that means yet, but Jack knows his last day of preschool is next week.  He’s a little upset knowing he may not see his friends over the summer, but excited to start Kindergarten in the fall.  Luckily, my husband’s new set of orders will keep us here in the same location, so Jack will be attending Kindergarten with most of his friends.

Jack’s preschool is performing their end of year program this evening along with a little “graduation” ceremony for the four-year-old classes.  How is it possible Jack is “graduating” preschool already?  I know it’s just pre-school, but this is a big deal to him.  He is now a “big boy” and to him that means he can ride on a school bus next year.  I’m still doing a little research on the bus schedules, so we’ll see if that is an option.

Today was Tate’s last music class.  After class we had a little snack party to celebrate everything we learned throughout the last 16 weeks.  Tate has come a long way from the first class.  He has learned many wonderful skills and it provided a great bonding experience for both of us.

Now if only the pacifier has come to an end I would be relieved.  I’d love to say goodbye to that… thing.  It’s been such a comfort to Tate, but all good things come to an end, right?

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
I feel lucky to have grown up with an interesting cultural experience. My parents are from India, so I was exposed to their languages (Hindi and Punjabi), religion (Hinduism), and food. This sort of situation can be difficult for many first generation American citizens, but I never really felt that it was a problem for me growing up. I’m from the New York City area, so people were already comfortable with the idea of diversity. Also, I lived in a town that had a decent bit of Indian immigrants (many of whom continue to be our dear friends!) so I didn’t ever feel alone in it. Sure, classmates sometimes asked about my background—I remember a friend asking what Indian “tribe” I belonged to—but they were mostly just curious. If anything, I delved more deeply into my roots and what it meant to me than I would have otherwise—not a bad thing.

Of course, the fact that I’m Indian means that Haley is too. She’s also of White European ancestry on her dad’s side. He grew up in the American South—another culture of its own. She’s certainly not alone. These days, you would need to be living under a rock to not know at least one child born to parents of different backgrounds. I’m fairly confident that her lineage won’t cause her any problems as she grows up—it is the 21^st century, after all.

What’s really funny about the whole thing is that Haley doesn’t really look even partly Indian. Now, if someone told you she was, I think you’d believe it. She has medium brown hair and big light brown eyes. Mostly, she just looks like a white girl. I do not. I wonder how her experience will differ from mine in that regard. Will she feel less connected to her Indian roots? Will she feel the need to absorb Indian culture all the more? How will she feel about having us as parents, given that we have these differences? It will be interesting to see how it plays out.  I will certainly teach her about all of her personal history as best I can.

I hope that Haley’s diverse background will contribute to making her an open and empathetic person. I hope she enjoys all of the facets of her upbringing, and can also learn from friends whose families are from other places as well. I think the main thing Haley will learn from all of the differences in our family is that we’re really all the same.

From Friday Mom – Jaime:
I was in court yesterday doing a marathon morning of mediation sessions. During a break, I was speaking to one of the housing counselors. He’s a good guy, one of the best that we deal with, and he was telling me about how he had gone out of his way to help a client. He really had gone above and beyond, but the woman decided to make him the object of her frustration and used some “magic words” on him. And, while he’ll help anyone, once you say those “magic words” to him, he’s done trying to help you… It cracked me up and shows that we all have our limits, even people who are known for helping everyone.

This post, of course, is about a different variety of magic words.

We try to get Andrew to always say “please” and “thank you.” He’ll ask for stuff and we say no until he remembers that magic please. If he really wants something, he knows that I absolutely cannot resist when he breaks out the “Oh please! P-p-p-p-lease!” But still, he knows how to ask correctly.

Today I walked in to daycare to pick him and all the kids were sitting at a long table coloring. One of the little girls, Maya, looked up and got all excited to see me. “ANDREW’S MOM! Can you draw me hearts?”

I gave her the look. The one I give Andrew when he doesn’t say please and I’m waiting for him to ask me correctly. SHE gave me the look back. The “WELL? AREN’T YOU GOING TO DO THIS FOR ME????” look.

If she were my kid, I would have stood there, hands on my hips, waiting for her to ask me right. But she wasn’t my child… And I caved. I had to draw SEVEN hearts for her. First pink. Then red. Then blue. Then purple…

Then another little girl came over, flung her paper in my face and asked me to draw HER hearts. And a third girl came over. “NO! Draw ME hearts!” Then a fourth. “Is it MY TURN yet?” Maya wanted more hearts for herself.

Finally, Andrew looked up from the pig he was intently coloring, walked to my side and threw his hands up. “EVERYONE! SLOW DOWN! WAIT A MINUTE! Mommy can’t draw hearts for everyone at the same time!”

So they formed a line with their paper and crayons, each little girl asking me to draw different colored hearts for them to color in. And not one of them used the words please or thank you. (Yes, I’m a sucker)

I don’t mind playing with the other kids when I pick up Andrew. I let them tackle me if I’m in the mood. I spin them around. We color together. But still… If you want me to spend 10 minutes sitting there drawing things for you to color in, can’t I get a please or thank you?

PLEASE?

Anyway, happy mother’s day to all you moms out there. And have a great weekend!

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
We have been at Disney World for several days now, and we are having a fantastic time. We had never been to Disney World before, and we relied on our more experienced friends for advice.  We spent the first several days at Magic Kingdom, another at Legoland, and today we went to Seaworld.   We had breakfast with Mickey, rode the rides, saw the shows, and stayed up late to see the fireworks and parades, all in unseasonable heat.  The sharks and polar bears are “totally awesome” and both boys loved the Shamu show.  Jack was mesmerized with all the life sized Lego creations.  We quickly learned that the monorail home is the best ride of the day.

We have been impressed by the quality of the parks, cast members, and overall experience. It is not a “relax by the pool” vacation, but we knew that when we bought our tickets. We have been getting physical and mental parenting workouts every day. Tate is prone to fits, and Jack likes gift shops, but they have both been pretty great, especially considering how long the days are and how few the naps have been.  They both light up when they see the characters and Jack is first to ask for an autograph.

We are going to another park tomorrow. We downloaded a helpful Disney Parks app that lets us know every attraction, character, map and wait time for each ride in each park.  It even lets you know where to find the nearest bathroom. We have a double stroller filled with two kids, three iPhones, a large camera, water bottles, snacks, hand sanitizer, wipes, sunscreen and enough diapers to tackle any emergency. Tomorrow morning, we will try to fit all that on a shuttle bus. It is the price we pay to make memories. I just hope it’s working on the kids as well as it is on mommy and daddy.

From Friday Mom – Jaime:
I know all weeks contain the same number of days and hours, but this one has just felt endless. I’m writing this post from my hotel room in Nashville, while the conference that I’m supposed to be attending is going on two floors beneath me and two different trials are demanding my attention back home. And, always there, is the nagging sense of guilt that I feel when all this takes me away from Andrew.

I just got back from a session on gender equality in the law. Part of the discussion focused on how male fathers who are also attorneys are looked at as providers, strong, family men. Women, however, who also choose to maintain their legal careers after having babies are looked at as conflicted, less reliable, soft…

After spending the first half of my week on trial with one of the most challenging adversaries I’ve come across, I can tell you that “soft” bit is absolutely untrue. Having a kid may make me a total mush AROUND my child, but outside his presence? I’m still the same girl who will smile in your face while plotting how she plans to demolish you in the courtroom…

I’m no less reliable today than I was five years ago before I had a kid. Sometimes I would miss work because I was sick or, let’s be honest, needed a “mental health day.” But I work hard. I value my job and the reputation I’ve earned. I’m not about to blow that up just because I made the decision to have a family.

But that conflicted part? That’s completely true.

As I was prepping for my trial Sunday night, Andrew kept asking me to play games or color pictures with him. He wanted me to read him stories before he went to bed. Those moments are really tough. I wanted nothing more than to put down the notes for my direct examination and play baseball with Andrew, to read him his bedtime stories and sing him to sleep. But my compulsion to memorize the facts of the case and out-think my adversary was hard at war with what I wanted to be doing…

In the end, we colored a picture together (“one quick one”) and then he sat on my lap reading ME books while I prepped my case.

We all have to juggle what we want to do with what we need to do. That’s true with work, with families and with anything in life that’s worthwhile. But I can’t imagine that being a woman somehow makes MY choices and MY balancing act any different from a man’s, so why is it perceived that way?

There are a couple guys here who are new fathers, away from their kids for the first time. They were at the bar last night, whipping out their cell phones to proudly show off pictures of their sons and daughters. And you could tell as they were saying how great it was to be away and get a full night of sleep, there was still the same pull to be home, to be with their kid, as I feel when I’m away from Andrew.

So what makes him “strong” and me “conflicted”? Because I can admit to the conflict? That I’ll write this post and tell you exactly how hard it is to try and balance both worlds? And doesn’t that make ME the strong one because I’m willing to admit what’s there and what’s real?

The reality is sometimes I have to sacrifice time with my family for work. That doesn’t make me a bad mom. And sometimes I have to sacrifice work obligations for family. That doesn’t make me less of an attorney or mean I’m not dedicated to my career. I juggle both, admittedly sometimes better than others.

But at the end of the day, Andrew knows exactly how much I love him, even if there are a couple days where he barely sees me because work is winning the war for my attention. Even as a four year old, he knows that the stretch of crazy days will come to an end and when they do, I’ll be there picking him up from daycare and chasing him around the house to get him ready for his next race. And that’s what really matters…

From Wednesday Mom – Janelle:
My husband and I planned a trip to Disney World back in January.  We wanted to keep it a surprise until right before we left.  Last night we finally told our kids we were going to make our first family trip to Disney World. We were expecting the “made for TV” reaction but what we got was not obnoxious screaming children but just four big blue eyes and two big smiles.  I think Jack was a little more shocked and didn’t know if we were kidding or not. We have been hearing lots of excitement ever since telling them about the trip.  In fact, Tate demanded wearing Jack’s Mickey ears from Disneyland while eating lunch and dinner.

We have several family friends who gave us endless tips and tricks for what to bring and where to go.  We benefit from military discounts that help make the trip affordable. Jack and I visited Disney Land in California when my husband was deployed, but Jack was only one so he doesn’t remember much. Tate has never been to an amusement park, and my husband has not been to Disney since the early 1990’s. We are all excited for our first big vacation together as a family. This will be the first one in some time, just the four of us without extended family.

We will visit Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Hollywood Studios and Animal Kingdom. We also have day trips to Lego Land and Sea World. Hopefully we can survive that much family vacation. My husband is already making comparisons to National Lampoon’s Vacation. Fortunately, we only have one day’s drive and it is not in The Wagon Family Truckster.  We are planning on parks in the morning and naps at our resort in the afternoon then back to the parks in the evening for parades and fireworks. If we stay flexible, we will get the most out of our time there. I am sure there will be a day where we just relax by the pool.  Stay tuned for an update on our adventure.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Now that spring has sprung and Haley is an active toddler, we’re looking to introduce her to new activities and experiences. I find myself listening closely to the local radio station and scouring the Internet to find things to do as a family. I have lived in this area for a really long time, but there are so many attractions I’ve largely ignored until now. Through Haley, I’m beginning to appreciate all of the fun stuff that’s available to our community!

A few weeks ago, we went to an historic mansion just a few miles away. When I heard it opened up for the season, the only thing I could remember about the place was seeing its photo in a calendar. My husband and I looked it up online and found that in addition to the house tour, the grounds of the mansion include a pond and gardens. They also have activities for kids. When we drove up to the place (which had one of those old-fashioned driveways that fits a horse and buggy and that’s about it!), we were stunned by how many cars we saw. It turned out to be people attending a morning yoga class on the meadow- there had to be at least 150 people there! Who knew?

Once we made it up to the home we saw that there weren’t nearly as many people there. Most of the guests were young families as well. Haley was being her fidgety self, so we opted to explore the house on our own rather than subject the other visitors to her fussiness on a tour. The house was grand and interesting. We knew of the family name because they contributed part of their fortune to the university where my husband went to graduate school. It was nice to learn some more about them. Haley didn’t really appreciate the history lesson, but that’s okay.

We then went out to the gardens. On the pond, we saw some ducks. This is very exciting because “duck” or “du!” is one of three words Haley can say, so she pretty much freaked out and wanted to grab them. We also brought a soccer ball that she loved kicking around. We ended the day with a packed picnic lunch. It was a really lovely day.

My husband and I were recently talking about the number of weekends we have with Haley before she’s all grown up. There are disturbingly few. And over 50 of them are already gone! Hopefully, we will continue to try to make the most of all of them.

From Friday Mom – Jaime:
I hate to lose. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, debating with a Red Sox fan on whose team is going to deeper in the baseball post-season, arguing a motion, or trying to complete a crossfit workout of the day first.

The only time winning doesn’t matter to me is when I run. I don’t do races to win them. I don’t have a shot in the world at that! But they make me feel good. I enjoy it, even the bad runs. They make you appreciate the good ones that much more. And, as much as I laugh at my dad every time he says it, I’ve learned that he was right – anytime you start and finish a race in the same day, it’s been a good one.

It was really cool as I was signing up for my first race that Andrew asked me to find a kid race for him too. Every time I signed myself up for another run, he’d ask if I’d found one for him. Last Sunday was the day of the big race.

I had reservations about letting him do it. On Saturday, Andrew raced a friend repeatedly through a big inflatable obstacle course and every time he didn’t win, Andrew hysterically bawled over it. He is a little speed demon and, admittedly, there aren’t a lot of kids his age who are faster than him.

But he got so upset and cried so much that I really had reservations about letting him do the fun run the next day. I tried telling him that there would be older kids running with him and that they might be faster. I tried explaining that I have yet to win a single race and I’m totally cool with that. My dad came over with all the medals from all the races that he’s run in (and lost). We tried to explain that finishing is winning – not what place you cross the finish line. Andrew said he understood. Then he got mad we were harping on it…

He was so excited to head to the race, give his name at the registration table, get his race shirt and pin the number to it. He was running in the 5 and under heat, which consisted of the last straightaway of the 5k course. The kids played Simon Says until it was time for them to run. It was freezing. It was starting to rain. But Andrew was still strutting around the starting line checking out the competition and you just knew he was thinking, “I know I’m faster than YOU. And YOU. And especially YOU.”

When the race started, Andrew did awesome. He was one of the first 5 kids in the lead. But no one was really sure how far they were supposed to run and he started to slow down… He maybe finished 10th, which is incredible.

Until he went ballistic that he didn’t come in first. That he didn’t get his medal first. Because he thought I wasn’t really watching him. He cried the entire walk to the car and the entire ride back.

In the days since then, he’s woken up from naps telling me “I was faster than all the little kids” only to start crying because the big kids “beat him up” and finished first. After leaving it alone for a few days, tonight I showed him the video I took during the race.

He’s watched it 7 times already. He showed Hubby. And I think he’s finally proud of his performance, instead of being upset by it.

He really wants to do another. I’d love for him to do it. But how do you convince someone – the kid of two litigators whose entire job is to win – that winning isn’t the only thing? That sometimes just getting through it is a reward in and of itself?

I haven’t figured that one out yet, but we’ll get there. Have a great weekend everyone