Lifting the Fog
Friday, June 28th, 2013From Friday Mom – Erin:
I have been back at work for a month now. Although Rory’s developmental progress has not missed a beat, my own adjustment to life as a working mom has been much slower going. As I mentioned a few weeks ago, from a purely logistical standpoint, my husband and I have slipped into a workable routine in the mornings and evenings. We are managing our time reasonably well, which is half the battle.
But the bigger battles are elsewhere. Namely, I am at war with the lingering fog of mommy brain. This battle manifests itself in multiple ways. First, it takes much more energy to stay focused than it once did. This is a new struggle for me; I have always been very intense and able to focus for hours on end. Now, I find myself taking breaks and losing my train of thought. That’s not to say I can’t gut it out when necessary. But it just isn’t as natural for me as it once was.
Second, I am finding myself less attentive to details. I have turned in assignments with typos–a transgression I never used to make. I have sent e-mails without the allegedly included attachments. And I have on more than one occasion hung up the phone for an important call without asking a necessary question.
Finally, and perhaps as a result of each of these transgressions, I am battling self-doubt. It is not as intense as a “I don’t know the answer” kind of doubt. Instead, it is more like the wobbly knees of getting back on a bike for the first time after a multiple year hiatus. Regardless, it is a struggle.
I keep reminding myself that all of this will improve with time. Perhaps once Rory stops waking in the early morning to nurse, the fog will clear once and for all. However, in the interim, I am building in plenty of time for breaks and making certain to proofread my work at least two to three times.