From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Apparently, once you start going to grade school, you’re a grade schooler. This is non-controversial. It’s what you’re called before then that gets some parents into a huff. I’ve been observing this phenomenon ever since I had my… let’s call her a “child”. Here’s a primer.
A “newborn” is a person who is alive and under 3 months old. If your niece is 4.5 months old, don’t you dare say “She sleeps so well for a newborn!” because the mommy mafia will be on you like white on rice. “She’s hardly a newborn,” they’ll chide. “She’s already an infant.” This of course is true. After all, she’ll be filling out her college applications in no time—don’t insult her as if she was born yesterday! (Even if she practically was.)
The trend continues. After 3 months old, a child is an infant. Depending on one’s philosophy, religion, party affiliation or zodiac sign, it’s proper to start calling a child a toddler when he either A) turns one year old or B) starts walking—usually whatever comes first. If you subscribe to this belief system, you’d consider my daughter Haley a toddler at 8 months old, which makes almost no sense. She was technically walking then, but still doing things like eating remote controls and trying to touch the adorable baby she saw in the mirror. Toddlerhood ends somewhere within a vast range of 18 months and three years old, at which point she’ll become a preschooler, then a kindergartener if you’re being specific, and finally a grade schooler.
For some reason, if you dare to call a kid something other than what he is according to this arbitrary code on youngster aging, people will jump all over you for it. I think the reason is that in this day in age parents are understandably sensitive to the degree to which their children are thriving. If someone makes their child seem younger or older than they really are, some parents take it as a personal affront—a way of exaggerating the child’s accomplishments.
I always thought putting them into these strict categories was kind of crazy, and another way that lately we’ve been trying to make kids grow up way too fast. I can understand if a child has an older sibling; the younger one might participate in an activity he wouldn’t have otherwise. But I see a lot of parents not let their kids just be kids and do only what they’re ready for: Newborn sleep training. Infants weaned off the bottle. Two year olds whizzing by on scooters on NYC sidewalks. Preschoolers in sports they’re not ready for.
At the same time, there’s a lot to be said for a calling a spade a spade. Haley is about two years and four months old. Until recently, I always lumped her into the category of toddler without thinking anything about it. However, she was a toddler a year ago and she’s a completely different person now who speaks much better, understands much more and can do so many things on her own. In some ways, I think actually it is more accurate to call her a preschooler. Who knew?
Please don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to get in trouble for violating the code.