Play-Learn-Grow-Repeat

From Friday Mom – Erin:
After a great many months of being told that he needs to assert himself with his words, rather than just react emotionally, Rory has entered into what I am politely calling his “mine” phase. In some ways, this is a positive development. He’s had a tendency to react with tears and screams when his friends at daycare take a toy that he is playing with. Now, he fights back a bit more with a firm declaration of “mine.”

I’d seen signs of this new assertiveness brewing, but I saw it in full force for the first time when I dropped him off at daycare yesterday morning. His teacher had a variety of puzzles set up for the class, and Rory quickly took to playing with a farm animal puzzle. When one of his good friends arrived, his friend promptly started playing with the same puzzle. Rory grabbed for the puzzle piece, collected it firmly in a cross-chest embrace, and walked away from the table exclaiming, “Mine. mine!” While the other child’s mom encouraged his friend to share, I gently explained to Rory that the puzzle belonged to the daycare, that he could continue playing with it, but that he should also be certain to give his buddy a turn at some point as well.  I also made certain to point out the range of other puzzles available on the table, and explained to him that if he walks away from the table trying to hoard the puzzle pieces, he should probably expect that one of his classmates might be using the other pieces when he gets back.

That was all, obviously, a lot for an almost two-year old to absorb. Especially when we’ve been telling him to use his words rather than cry. However, now that he’s found a word to use, we’re trying to help him understand how best to use that language without emulating the same aggressive behavior we’ve been trying to help him overcome. It’s all part of learning how to communicate and interact with others, something he has generally been pretty laid back about. In that respect, I’m sure this will be another short-lived stage, and that he and his friends will figure out a way to resolve their differences.

That being said, I am admittedly nervous about the timing of this new tendency given that his little sister due to arrive over the course of the next month. I’m hopeful that we’ve figured out how to help him deal with this possessive streak before she starts stealing his toys away from him. Luckily, I think we will have a few months of newborn immobility before that starts happening.

From Monday Mom – Neetika:
Last week, Haley and I hosted her weekly playgroup. I was thrilled to have the girls and their mothers over to repay all of the times they so graciously had us to their homes. I cleaned the house, got special snacks and most importantly, tried to prepare Haley. She’s not always the best when it comes to sharing. I explained to her that her friends were coming over and she needed to share her toys. Her response “no.” I persisted, telling her if someone wants to play with her Barbie or her shopping cart, we say “Okay, here you go, you can play with it now.” Haley kept shaking her head no. She hated this plan. I was sweating well before the guests arrived.

Miraculously, Haley was really well behaved! She had a few of the moments of selfishness you would expect from a two year old, but nothing crazy. She actually played nicely and didn’t freak out when other kids wanted to play with her toys, even offering them up freely at times! I was thrilled. I felt like on some level, I had finally broken through!

That burst of pride was short-lived. A few days later, we had a play date with a much younger toddler. Haley was rough, stole toys and was bossy. “Go upstairs!” I heard. Then a few moments later: “Go downstairs!” Fortunately, I am close with the kid’s mom, so the whole situation was less stressful. Still, I didn’t like it.

I’m noticing that many parents are more laid back than I. They subscribe to the “let the kids work it out” philosophy.  I agree with that in theory, but when I see Haley not being nice, it just makes me cringe. I’m fine with letting nature take its course if Haley is the victim, but not the other way around. I don’t know what that says about my parenting sensibility! I also realize that at this age, almost all of this is out of my control. Haley is going to act up, and it doesn’t mean she’s a bad kid. I guess I feel like there’s enough nastiness in the world. Minimizing that behavior coming from my daughter is the least I can do.

“Mine” was one of Andrew’s first words.  It’s probably still one of his favorites, even with his building vocabulary.  Every stuffed animal within a 100 mile radius is Andrew’s. (Fair warning if you live in the area…No toys are safe!)

Every so often, he does something to surprise me though.

He brought a bunch of stuffed animals over so that a little girl he just met could play with them.  He happily shared with her… until she got a little too attached to a stuffed monkey he hasn’t played with in literally years…and then that monkey was all his all over again.

He got a new book that had lots of stickers in it.  He wanted to bring it in to school so he could share the stickers with all his friends.

When Andrew’s class was going on their field trip to the Turtle Back Zoo, he brought his key with him.  He told his friends that they could all take turns using it on the key boxes…if they were good.  (But those naughty kids, man, they were out of luck!)

I got this email the other day about things you can do to encourage your kid to be generous.  Set a good example.  Talk about other people’s wants and needs.  Praise generosity.  Stuff like that.

And in reading the email, all I could think was that we  – whether we were doing any of that stuff or not – we were doing a decent job of that already. He may still have a wicked selfish streak, but when he wants to show it, he does have a heart of gold.

The last time we were in the mall, Andrew went by the Build A Bear and grabbed my arm.  “Mommy?” Then he looked up at Hubby with his big, pleading eyes. “Daddy?  Do you remember when I was three…and we went to that store? And I made a bear for another child?  Can we do that again?”

I was shocked… First off, I wasn’t even sure he’d remember that we did that.  It’s become a kind of holiday tradition.  We brave the mall and bring Andrew to the Build A Bear.  He gets to make two animals.  One he can keep. The other he has to give away.  Hubby would explain to him that he was giving the animal to another little kid who needed a toy for the holidays.

But I was also amazed that he was genuinely wanting to do something nice for someone he doesn’t even know.  He actually tried to sell the trip to Build A Bear as, “I have lots of toys.  I just want to make one for another child.”

There are still a lot of days where I shake my head at Andrew, having no idea to how to deal with him talking back or how to handle a kid who’s 4 can throw attitude like a full blown teenager.  But in moments like that, I know we must be doing something right…

From Friday Mom – Jaime:
At 3:30 this afternoon, I will be watching Andrew’s first holiday show at daycare. I asked him what they were going to sing and, at first, his response was the standard, “I don’t know.” Then he launches into the entire show, beginning with the introductory comments leading into the songs and concluding with “That was our last song. Thank you all for coming. Happy holidays!”

I honestly don’t know how I’m going to keep a straight face while Andrew’s class sings Feliz Navidad… If the rest of them are anything like Andrew, the song will come out something like “Feeeleeeseeee Bobidob.” But he belts it out excitedly. Very cute. (Yes, I’ll take lots of pictures and video of the thing. MAYBE I’ll refrain from busting them out years later when he brings a girl home…)

This year we continued with our Build-A-Bear tradition. On the first night of Hanukkah, we took Andrew to the mall (a scary prospect this time of year) and led him to the store. We told him that he could pick out any toy he wanted for himself, but he would also have to pick out a toy for another child that he would then give away. Andrew made two teddy bears, selecting one for himself. Then proudly walked up to the toys for tots bin and deposited the other bear inside for another kid. He looked up at both of us and asked if we were proud of him for sharing. 🙂

Of course, I can’t let this opportunity to mention that I ALMOST HAVE A FOUR YEAR OLD go by. Andrew’s birthday is Saturday. I can’t believe it. We’re going to have a kid party for him this year in January so he can actually celebrate with his friends, in addition to the little pizza party he has with the family on his actual birthday.

So, happy Hanukkah. Merry Christmas. Happy birthday to my little guy. And happy whatever else you may be celebrating this weekend.

This week marks my 28^th week of pregnancy.  Officially marking the third trimester and that dreaded sugar test. (Okay, it’s really not that bad.)  This past weekend we made an attempt at clearing out and making room for our new arrival in July.  Jack’s new bedroom is finally finished and trimmed with wall decor.  We are now concentrating on the nursery and getting it cleared out and organized.

I asked Jack to help me go through all his “baby” toys and organize them in bins labeled by age.  His idea of organizing pretty much consisted of taking toys out of their bins and showing me that he can master all of them.  I was happy to see that he was having a blast, but not happy that it was taking us three times longer to finish the task.  Eventually, he managed to help me arrange everything.  He specifically told me he was going to share all his toys with his brother.  Just hearing those words made me so happy!  I didn’t care if stuff was everywhere at that point I was elated to hear him just once say he was going to share.  Lately, sharing has been a dilemma, and finding ways to correct it seems almost impossible with him.

As Jack sifted through the toys, I went through all the other things like bottles, nipples and how many to replace, clothes, blankets, etc.  It is nice to be having another child with the same gender and able to reuse most of the items we already have.  As I sorted through everything, fond memories lingered back into my mind of all those wonderful new baby experiences.  This time around I hope to recognize what cry matches what problem and take care of it right away.. Yeah, right!!  One can always hope!

As these last several weeks of pregnancy close in, I’m going to enjoy the time even if I’m hot and tired and unable to tie my own shoes.  I know what to expect this time around and can hopefully prepare myself, and Jack, for what the future holds.