Play-Learn-Grow-Repeat

As my frequent blog readers know, Brady isn’t exactly what one would call “athletic.” We have tried soccer (three times). He told the coach that he just “didn’t get the point of all of this running and fighting over one ball.” We tried skating (both roller and ice) – that was terrible. I think my arm was out of joint after each attempt. Brady just doesn’t enjoy rough play at all, so when he mentioned football… I have to be honest; the family just smiled and nodded our heads. I will let him try it next fall, if he is still interested.

Brady has always loved the water and swimming, but mainly splashing around, jumping in, etc.. Not necessarily “swimming.” However, this week in his regular swim class his teacher came out and asked if I would consider moving him to level 2 (the Eels) for the next session starting in 3 weeks. I was so elated that Brady finally seemed to “get” swimming. He is doing the breaststroke appropriately and independently with only one piece of foam on his backpack. I was so proud of him. It was one of those “moments” of pride for a mama. It finally seems to have clicked.

Brady found something that he enjoys and is truly good at. And it is a fabulous way to exercise. Brady is already asking when we can open our pool. And mama is right there with him: out with the snow and in with the pool!!

From Monday Mom – Melissa:
I recently saw the movie “Eat, Love, Pray.” While I didn’t particularly enjoy the movie, the message did hit home with me: balance. As a work at home mom for over 5 years, balance has always been difficult. Now that Brady is in preschool, it is a bit easier to balance my regular hours. However, I recently got a lawyer bill that was astronomically high. (When they say divorce and custody court costs a lot both financially and emotionally… they are being very serious.) So now I am trying to keep my balance, while I greatly increase my time working at both my online content manager job and the teaching business that I own.

Often I feel like I am either on a treadmill and keep running and not getting much accomplished. Or worse yet, swimming and treading water while only coming up for air occasionally. Please tell me that I am not the only mom who has trouble balancing it all!

Family members have offered to help watch Brady, so I can get more work hours in. I have taken them up on the offer. My goal is to be debt free by the end of the summer. Sometimes we all have to make short-term sacrifices for the long-term advantages and freedom. But I need to be careful to make sure I keep the balance of Work-Love-Play with Brady.

Yes, I have bills to pay and debt to creep out of. But I also have a little boy who isn’t going to be five forever: so he needs to feel my love and know I can play (sometimes). So right now I am on that treadmill: running fast, holding my baby’s heart in my hand, and fitting in as much play time as possible! I have to run now, heading outside. I have some snow to go play in: some angels to make, a snowman that needs building, and lots of sledding fun in my day.

Brady is five now. It is hard to believe, but the baby is growing up. Throughout the years he has always shown his love and been a mama’s boy. But a few nights ago, I heard words out of my little boy’s mouth that I truly never expected.

We were saying our bedtime prayers and Brady thanked God for his “Cool Mama.” Yes, you read that right. My five year old thinks that I am cool. Wow! I am the strict parent. I do (and always have done) all of the disciplining. I don’t allow certain tv shows at my house that daddy does, etc.. We follow a pretty structured life. Daddy often gets the “cool” comments: he has a motorcycle, better games on his cell phone, and more. I on the other hand drive a . . . . minivan.

I realize it may seem silly. But today I am cool. At five my son thinks I am cool. I have been told to frame this comment. Apparently at ten he will think I know nothing and am completely lame. At fifteen it gets even worse as he will probably be embarrassed to even be seen with me, let alone give me a hug or kiss. Scary to even consider what he will think of me at twenty!!

So for now, I am taking my “cool mama” statement pretty seriously and basking in the rich aroma of coolness. And you know what? I think Brady is pretty cool too!

Last weekend, the man that I have been dating for over a year now asked me to marry him. So now starts the process of blending his two little girls (ages 5 and 7) with my little Brady into a happy family of five. I realize the task won’t be easy. But we have been preparing their hearts and minds for months now: asking how they felt about us getting married, how it would be moving to a new house together, how they would have a brother or sisters now, etc.. So when the kids found out, they weren’t surprised. All three were quite happy.

The first time after the engagement the 7 year old saw me, she ran and jumped in my arms and said, “there is my new stepmommy.” Wow – not the response that I expected. It instantly reminded me of the story, Cinderella. Now, she has been asking since May “Daddy, when are you and Melissa getting married. Let’s do it already.” She is a funny girl, whom I quickly grew to love. Ironically, I have had the 5 year old in Sunday School since she was born. I fell in love with her back then and always had a strange connection with her, even as a toddler. I never knew her dad, Mike, until Fall of 2009.

Then there is our little Brady. Yesterday he asked me during lunch, if he was allowed to call Mr. Mike  “Daddy Mike” now. Brady isn’t quick with affection or trust. So for him to even consider such a name is a true honor. I feel so happy that the kids have all accepted everything (so far).

Of course everyone’s question now is “when are you guys having YOUR baby.” That is the funny thing. The girls already feel like my babies, and Brady already feels like his baby. We both are so happy and content with our three, that neither one of us has any desire to add a fourth that would be “ours,” because all three of the wonderful kids are OURS. We are not just marrying each other, we are really marrying the entire family.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I have heard that blending families together is tough ~ and to be prepared for the worst. So far, I guess we have been blessed and we just take it one day at a time. But moving into a new house together will be a challenge for all five of us. Brady will be going from an only child to the youngest of three. I am going from having one child to three. Mike is used to two calm little girls;  now he is going to have an extremely energetic little boy too. I am sure there will be lots of bending and blending on everyone’s part. But, I feel like I have finally found a true partner to hold my hand through the good times and the bad. We are all excited about this new journey together. And so the next chapter of my life and Brady’s begins: with the addition of three new wonderful characters.

I am not sure if I ever shared this, but I was an elementary school teacher before Brady was born. I worked in the district where we reside, and I taught gifted/talented (mainly grades 3-5). Since then I have started a teaching company and I also write/edit/blog for another teaching company (99% from home). So I am a teacher at heart ~ no matter where I go. I have taught Sunday School for the past 5 years, enrichment classes for over 10 years, and formal classes for another 10+ years.

So you can imagine my surprise when my son informed me that he didn’t want to go back to school last Monday! He “hated” school. Wow – not the words a teacher wants to hear. Apparently, he likes school once he is there, but would much rather stay home and have mama be his teacher. (We did homeschooling for the first 4.5 years of his life). Of course, homeschooling is no longer an option for me as I am a single mom with full custody of my son. I need to support him, so homeschooling just won’t work.

What do you do to help your child who really doesn’t want to go to school? I know his teacher is very loving and kind, there has been no bullying going on, and he does enjoy it once he is there. Heck, one of his best friends (and neighbor) is in his class. I have been talking up the positives about school and telling him what a big boy he is now, how lucky he is to have his teacher “Mrs. M” and how much she loves him, and trying to ask him about his favorite parts of the day. But alas, he just wants to stay home. Let’s hope this is just a short phase.

How do I foster my son’s love for school? I dread the upcoming 17+ years of formal schooling. He “hates” preschool, which is a wonderful play-based and child-led school. I wonder what his thoughts will be when he enters public school and realizes that preschool wasn’t that bad after all. I guess these are the challenges that parents need to deal with.

Honestly, as a teacher, it is a hard pill to swallow. Now he says he would like to go to school if I was his teacher. Hmmm – do you think the schools would let me follow him and teach kindergarten through grade 12? Just kidding; although I am certified K-12, I am not crazy!! Let’s all hope that Brady’s attitude changes and he falls “head over heals” in love with school.

As I write this blog, it is the first weekend of a brand new year. At this moment I am pretty sore from the New Year’s Eve party with the kids and hours of dancing with the Wii. Who ever thought that a video game could be such a workout (and a lot of fun)! Although, I pray to not hear the song “Who Let The Dogs Out” until at least 2012 or beyond! The kids had me do that dance at least five times. We all had a fun night though. Today we got to sleep in and recuperate! Thank God I don’t have a morning bird. Brady surprised me and made it to midnight. He started to crash around 10:00pm, but gained a second wind. But he slept in until 11am – which is a few hours after his regular wake-up time.

The New Year always brings both reflections on the past and hope for the future. This year I have decided that both mama and Brady will do goals/resolutions. But what will they be?

Seeing that Brady is starting kindergarten next year, I figure it is about time that he gains independence in many areas: so that is my focus. My target is one goal per month for Brady. We are starting out small. In January, Brady will learn to put the toilet seat down. (Yes, we have been working on this goal for years. But I intend to start using the “ticket system” for toilet seats.) I am still working on the remaining months of the year. So far I also have included “taking dishes to the sink when finished,” “making his own bed,” “completely dressing himself,” and “learning to use the bathroom completely on his own.” I am dreading that final goal the most, but it is definitely a life skill that needs to be fully developed. For the remaining goals, Brady and I are working together and trying to figure out what he needs to work on and what his personal goals might be. It is fun to hear what a newly 5 year old has to say about his personal goals. I plan to videotape him talking about what he hopes to learn/do in 2011.

Mommy’s resolutions: where to begin?

My big resolution for 2010 was to survive and thrive. It wasn’t the easiest of years, being the first full year after my divorce was finally settled. There were a lot of loose ends to tie up with custody, insurances, taxes, etc.. But a lot of “good” happened. And I did survive and I definitely did thrive! For 2011 my goals are more focused, more concrete, and more rewarding. Yes, they will include the exercise more and eat healthier goals, but also some more personal (and easier to obtain). I intend to work on my list as soon as I finish this blog. So here we go – – Happy New Year everyone!

When I realized that Brady’s preschool was closed for 17 days over the holidays, I had mixed emotions. Okay, maybe I even panicked a little bit. How would I get my work hours completed? Would he get bored? Would he get out of the habit of going to school? And other thoughts crossed my mind. We had a definite routine established.

Here we are past the halfway mark, with his birthday and Christmas behind us and I have to say I have a new child. I have heard many friends grumble about having their children home for extended vacations, and having to entertain their bored little ones. But Brady has been a slice of heaven. His entire demeanor has changed since out of school: he is more obedient, less anxious, less mouthy, my old “angel” has returned.

One has to wonder, is school causing Brady to misbehave and be mouthier overall? Or is it possibly the influence of other students? I am honestly not sure. There are so many other factors. I know his friends at preschool, and I really don’t think it is the school. I think the issue is more the home. The main difference now is downtime. My son seems to need an unusual amount of downtime. He still sleeps 12-13 hours each night and enjoys lying around and cuddling with books a lot.

Now don’t get me wrong, little man can have LOTS of energy also. But I think this week has taught me that one thing I need to provide Brady with, is simply more downtime to enjoy life, his home, his books, and his mama. I also wonder if 4 days of school each week is too much, at this point I can’t afford to change it: as those are my working hours. But at least I can work on slowing down his schedule before and after school. I guess we all need to take more time to stop and smell the roses. Not that roses are blooming in Pennsylvania in December, but take time this week to just enjoy the quiet (or noise) and spend some 1-1 time with your kid. You wont regret it – I promise!

Last week I left Brady for a business trip. Now, let me start by saying, this was my FIRST trip that wasn’t consumed entirely by work. So my first instinct was to take Brady along. Did I mention… it was in Disneyworld? But with our custody still in limbo, I wasn’t sure if he would be allowed to attend or not, since it would have been daddy’s weekend – if he had more custody by this point. So I decided to leave him home for 48 hours and take a relaxing trip.

I can’t believe I am actually going to write this… but I don’t think I missed him that much. I spend a lot of time with Brady: 1-1 having date nights out, play dates in, etc.. I only really missed him on Friday, as I saw him Thursday until 10am and Saturday after 8pm. But still, I had expected to miss him so very much.

I went to the company’s lovely anniversary dinner (and had a delicious dinner, in a fancy dress, with adult conversation). I also learned that “Still Water” is another term for water in a bottle ~ possibly Spring water, maybe just plain old tap water. I looked around the shops on my own with no little person to watch. I took showers in peace. And I generally enjoyed my time. Yes, I saw other families at Downtown Disney (where we spent most of our free time). And yes, I did start to plan a family vacation to the same spot. But this time, it was a Melissa vacation. A little getaway from all of the crazy stress that is going on in my life right now. And flying minus the 4-year old, wow ~ what a relaxing experience.

Then I got home. I should mention at this point that Brady did stay at his own home with his grandparents (my parents) who live at my house. So he did fine. But when I saw him, my heart hurt a little bit and I realized that I missed him now. Now that I was back home looking at that little face, curly hair, and mischievous smile – my heart felt enlarged and a smile spread across my face. That huge hug that I received made up for the many temper fights he threw few just days before. So in a way, I think that going away for a few days (even 48 hours), really makes you more relaxed as a parent, rejuvenates your soul for the next round of parenting challenges, and makes for one happy and “ready to play” mama.

From Monday Mom – Melissa:
Last year we purchased a family gift: a Wii. Back then, Brady (just 4) did a few of the sport games: mainly bowling. He also beat us all!! Now at nearly 5, he has mastered a few other games, including Super Mario. It is hilarious to watch him play. While I am not a big fan of video games, Brady REALLY gets into it and uses his entire body to jump on those mushrooms, fight the turtles, and earn those coins. He jumps, he squeals, he runs to the left, runs to the right, and puts a lot of energy into his Mario game. However, I started to realize that as soon as he woke up, he would ask to play Super Mario. After school he would ask to play Super Mario. Any down time, he would want Mario Time! I realized that this little boy was addicted.

That is when the kitchen timer came to the rescue. His TV viewing is limited to 30 minutes per day. So I have given him 30 minutes of “Mario Time” now too. Most days he skips TV watching, just because he prefers trains and his other toys (thank goodness). But there are rarely days he misses his 30 minutes of Mario Time. And can I be perfectly honest… I think I am a little addicted too. Brady was in the shower last week, and where was his mama? Right outside the room on the TV… playing Mario!! Shhh – don’t tell Brady!!

From Melissa – Monday Mom:
Last year, we started to support a young child in Africa through one of the many available programs. I explained to Brady that we were providing this boy (Obvious) with food and water. We talked about how our monthly contributions would help Obvious have a home and attend school. So Brady started to refer to him as his brother. At first he got some odd responses when he referred to having a brother (especially from his daddy). But he continued to refer to his “brother” Obvious. He even keeps a picture of Obvious in his bedroom.

Brady has prayed for Obvious every single night of the past year. (Little does he know, that our sponsored child was changed last summer because Obvious’s family moved out of the area). I never told Brady because I figured it couldn’t hurt to continue to pray for little Obvious, whose birthday is just 10 days before Brady’s.

Brady has always had a compassionate heart, and recently saw the magazine that our program sends to us regarding how our money is being used. He saw that you could buy animals to help families. So this Christmas, Brady would like to donate some animals to those less fortunate than himself. (Of course, his first choice was a donkey – and they are EXPENSIVE). He also has decided that he is buying this animal for his brother: Obvious.

While that may not be entirely true, he is partially correct, in that the animal will be given to someone in a similar situation as Obvious’s family. So recently, rather than going through the toy magazines, we have started to look at animals to purchase for gifts. I plan to put up pictures of the animals we purchase now (and in the future) in Brady’s playroom or bedroom as a constant reminder of the gift(s) he gave. He may have slightly less toys under the tree this year, but hopefully he will look at his pictures and remember that his gift keeps on giving. And the BEST part of all…. he came up with this idea on his own!